...this is the way it is supposed to be.
I started my day today down at the AMHA building. That stands for Akron Metropolitan Housing Authority. They are the people who own the project based homes and give out the section 8 vouchers. It is a crazy process to get into that housing. You have to go down at the crack of dawn and get in line. I took one of the women I work with and we got in line at 7:30 A.M. We waited until 8. That is when AMHA opens their doors. As they let the people in they everyone a ticket that has a number on it. My girl was #29. They only give out 30 tickets per day. That is just the beginning of the process. I won't bore you with the rest of the details. What I do want to tell you about is the people waiting in line. They were from all walks of life. I saw a college student reading a text book. I saw a family with three beautiful little girls. I saw all races and all ages. I have mixed feelings about all of it. While I was in line with the girl, another one of my girls called me. I told her where I was and she thought I was trying to get housing for myself. She laughed when I told her I was trying to move in next to her so I can borrow sugar and milk from her everyday (she always complains about her neighbors borrowing stuff from her lol). It was a silly misunderstanding and I did explain to her that I was with a client. BUT the entire time I was there I kept saying to myself....that could be my family.
I hate to keep feeling sorry for myself. I hate the emotional roller coaster. I hate getting my hopes up and then being let down. I just hate it.
I am reading this book about how to be happy. I didn't pick it out myself. It was sent to me by the author (well by her people) and they would like me to review it. I am in the middle of another Bible study but I decided I would read a chapter of the new book to get a feel for it. Well, so far what I have got out of it is we get sad when our reality doesn't meet our expectations. Ha. Many of our expectations come from what we feel we deserve. Like I have said many times....we are good people, we are nice, generous, friendly, helpful, loyal, fill in the blank... We go to church, pray, work with the youth, tythe..... Why can't we get what we want (currently that is a job for my hubby). I want him to get a job so we can maintain our lifestyle and possibly buy new stuff. LOL. It sounds ridiculous to even write that. Don't we deserve certain things? I am having a terrible time accepting we don't deserve anything and we are not owed anything. So far, that book has not helped in the happiness department. I guess I need to keep reading.
It did stir up some emotion for me (more like sorrow). I keep thinking God is going to bless us with a job for Jake. I just know in my heart he is going to get a job any day now. Even though he hasn't even had an interview for over a month. The truth of it is....maybe this is God's plan. Maybe this is how it is supposed to be.