Thursday, March 30, 2006

Where Do I Begin????

We are finally getting some warmer weather. I love it. It is supposed to be almost 70 degrees today! The weather boosts my mood and my energy level. Our house is such a disaster area since we have been so busy and on the go for the last 2-3 months. So, yesterday we spent a few hours just cleaning. Jake cleaned the outside of the windows, which I am so excited about. I cleaned our entryway. I washed rugs, scrubbed floors, washed walls, dusted window sills.... I actually like cleaning when I don't have any distractions. It is a task where you can see results almost immediately. I moved into the living room and did a little decluttering and dusted but that was about as far as I got. Hopefully, I will get more done today. Jude also helped clean. He had a bottle of windex and a rag. He was going around spraying stuff and wiping it off. Some things he cleaned two or three times. He loves to help me do anything...sweep, do dishes, cook, clean. Do you think he will stay like that forever? Doubt it.

While we were cleaning, Elise was crawling around playing. She went over to her carseat, pulled herself up and as I watched, she let go and stood there for a couple of seconds. I know that is normal on the development scale (she is 10 months) but she is still so little. It looks weird to see this little baby walking around. Also, I just can't believe she is getting so old. It sure doesn't seem like she should be that old already. Where has the time gone? This last year really flew by. When I really think about it I can't remember what life was like without her so in that aspect it seems like forever.

So, this week I am in an inner-city school. I am not that fond of it. My classes are so small that I don't get the interaction I normally would get. We did have our monthly staff meeting yesterday and I found out the agency I work for is going to be on a TV show called Bull Sh**. It is a show on Showtime hosted by Penn & Teller. I guess they take 3 different points of view and plot them against each other. I will not be on the show but several of my coworkers will be. They taped it awhile ago. It will air in April, I think. I checked out the website and they didn't have it listed yet. Everyone is coming to my house to watch it when it airs. So, I guess you can say I am having a Bull Sh** Party. Why would someone name a show Bull Sh**? Cheryl (my boss) can't even say the word, she says B.S. I told her I didn't get the chance to swear that often so I was going to call it by it's proper name any chance I got. Ha ha ha.

Have a good day! Enjoy the spring!

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Ex-Men Tuesday Already?????

I was too tired and busy to write yesterday. Jake is working during the day this week. We are happy to be able to see each other but it is going to take some getting used to. AND...we have to take the kids to the babysitters this week. Well, actually, Mandy (girl from church) came here yesterday and is watching them Wednesday. And two others are taking care of them today and Thursday. It is crazy. I am grateful to have options with the babysitting. Our old sitter had a baby just a month or so ago. I think her hands are full!

So, I have this friend and she says to me..."Just how long can 'Ex-Men Day' go on???" Well, let me tell you. I have dated a lot. Some guys I only went out with briefly. Some of the men I talk about from 'Ex-Men Day' weren't even guys I dated but guys who were in my life. Maybe I just hung out with them or I was good friends with them. (For example Jim the Pharmacist.) Either way, I have yet another good story for you this week...

It was my last New Year's Eve as a single girl (of course I didn't know that at the time). I was in a situation where I had not been dating for 6 months or so because I had been taking care of Cody. His dad drove me crazy and I seriously had no intentions of dating until I moved far away from that man. Well, like I said, it was New Year's Eve and my friend Stephanie called me to see if I wanted to go to this party with her. I wasn't interested but after a long day I decided I should get ready and go. I dressed up in this cute outfit. Black skirt with a slant hem (reminded me of Tori Amos), light blue loose knit sweater, matching blue tank top and black clogs. So, we get to this party and it was full of artsy, punk rock people who were all in bands. There were quite a few people there from Oberlin College. I fit in and began to mingle almost immediately. I had decided I would only have a drink or two. I had plans the next day to go see my friend who had just had a baby. As the night went on I met a lot of people. The party was in North Olmstead but there were a ton of my old friends from high school. My sister's ex-boyfriend Brian was there. I was standing with this group of people and he walked up. We started to talk. He asked about Heather. After he walked away, this guy says...wait, you know "The Heather"? I explain that she is my sister. These people were practically bowing down to me. Apparently my sister is a legend. Well, the guy who asked me about Heather is The Catholic Boy. From that point on he followed me around like a little puppy. He asked me for my number. I told him I wasn't interested in dating anyone. I told him I was jaded and hated men. He was a glutton for punishment. A week later I get a call from him. He had tracked me down. We ended up going out a few times (5 or 6 times, I think). He lived in Elyria and I lived in Cuyahoga Falls so there was some distance between us. He always told me he liked that things were moving slowly between us. I thought things were going to fast. I figured out he thought things were going slow because we weren't sleeping together. It annoyed me that he always brought it up.

Once we went on a double date with Heather and Ivan. We went to this resturant Heather and I worked at for a few years. You had to walk up these stairs to get into the place. I once again looked very cute for the occasion. I was wearing these light pink boot cut stretchy jeans, a black shirt and my black chunky boots. We had a great time. As we were leaving I was walking down the stairs and tripped over the chunky boots and fell down the stairs. I actually tried to grab onto Ivan as I went down but he thought I was trying to grab his leftovers and jerked away from me. I ended up in the grass with a big green grass stain on my pink pants. I was so embarrassed I was laughing. The Catholic Boy comes running over to help me. As he bends down to assist (remember I am laughing uncontrollably) I farted. Yes, while I was on a date I farted after I just fell down some stairs. It was so awful. Believe it or not we did go out a time or two after that. I ended up completely annoyed with the guy. He was nice enough but just not for me. Two months later I met Jake and never looked back. Stephanie did run into that guy once and he was getting married. Good for him.

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Can you feel the WORSHIP???

It's something I have been thinking about lately. Do you sing in church because that is just how it is done or to sing praises to God? Is it to perform or celebrate? It is different for everyone. Some churches don't even use instruments. Jake and I went to a church once where it sounded like a rock concert (complete with people dancing in the isles) on a Sunday morning. Either way, the presence of God isn't about what you are singing, how you are singing it or if it is or isn't a performance. It is about what is in your heart. Really in your heart. So, I have been thinking about this so much. I want the people in our church to really feel something. Sometimes I wonder if they do. Not because I am questioning them or their faith....but because we (I will include myself) are not very expressive. So, today we visited The Vineyard in S. Charleston. It is a cool church. The music was awesome. Five years ago I may have broke out into hives if I had to sit through the worship there. There was a man dancing with a flag. There were people raising their hands in praise/prayer. I heard a few "thank you prayers" said out loud! As I looked around I didn't see any perfect people. Far from it. No one was dressed up all fancy. I saw a room full of once broken people who are now full of Grace. And so thankful. A couple of weeks ago I heard this girl (a very wise and funny girl) say that it seems as though people who have had the most grace in their lives are more willing to give it out than someone who hasn't had to have as much (everyone needs some, since we aren't perfect). So I really felt the presence of God. Don't you love when that happens? So, as we were sitting there, I decided to take a look at the bulletin. On the back there was this "written sermon". It didn't have anything to do with the real sermon of the day but it was titled "Overcoming Worthless Worship" by Greg Myers. I am not sure if he is someone famous or just a local guy but I read it intently. It is really long so I won't rewrite it out but a few things popped out to me are this...."Punctuate every moment with inward whisperings of adoration, praise and thanksgiving." Have many different experiences of worship (Worship God alone, with your spouse, a friend, your family, small group or work lunch group). And Cultivate a holy dependency. Those are just three small points but just think how meaningful our worship could be if we just changed a few things. Seriously.

Either way, good service today. Great music. Loved it. I did miss our Church today though. I also missed hearing Mr. Looman lead worship. I have already heard rave reviews! I hate going out of town on the week-ends now. We miss out on so much. We also missed our small group. I really hated that. But in the end we got to spend time with the family which was pretty uneventful. I will write about it and post pics Monday when I get a chance.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Lovin' the Job....

Today I went to pack up my bag for school and I couldn't find my Drug Awareness Game. I think I must have left it at the office last week while doing a training. So, I was forced to change it up a little. I am teaching the 6th grade and we ended up playing this game about Immediate Gratification & Self Control. The game asks all these questions. I thought I would share a few questions and some of the answers. They are so funny...

What is Immediate Gratification?
- being thankful
- when a girl has a period
- drinking at a young age

What is infatuation?
- when women eat to many calories and make themselves throw it up.
- when the blood is inside the womb.
- being upset
- when the vocal chords get bigger
- when guys start wet dreams
- when you get fat
- when an egg cell & sperm cell meet
- love

What is ovulation?
- used to see baby when woman is pregnant
- when a girl gets curvy
- when a girl gets big hips
- when a girl has her period and the lining of the uterus is shed
- girls start periods
- when an egg cell and a sperm cell meet

So, that is it for today. Have a good one.

Nine Minutes of Random...

9:35 A.M.
I only have 10 minutes to write. I am going to type random things I have been thinking about....
  • Jude (my son) is so observant. He noticed I painted my fingernails clear! He walked in the room and noticed right away! Today I curled my hair different. I walked in the living room where he was watching Little Bear. He looked at me and said Mom, I like your hair. How cute.
  • Speaking of hair...Vin Diesel is in a new movie and he has hair. It isn't pretty.
  • Why do women in their 20's & 30's keep having affairs with 14 year olds? I keep seeing this on the news weekly. Have you ever seen a 14 year old boy? What is the appeal? The most recent case was in Florida. The teacher (who I didn't see a picture of but I did hear she was a hottie) only got 3 years of house arrest. In the other county the charges were dropped.
  • My kids this week are great. So cute and innocent. But, yesterday they said this kid was in lunch telling everyone that boys have 5 testicles. So, one brave kid asked me just to be sure. He thought he was missing a few and was worried. Oh my.
  • Jake is working during the day today! Yeah. I won't be all alone this evening.
  • We watched Sideways. It is hysterical. It is pretty explicate but not in a "Closer" kind of way. And not in a "Scary Movie" kind of way but it was okay. Those scenes were short. They didn't give me a gross feeling like some other movies. Either way....Hysterical movie and if you love wine it is filled with tons of info. for you.
9:44 A.M.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Just an Update....

So, I sent JKL an email and I did get one back that was very pleasant. So, everything is fine and I'm over it.

By the way....we are going to West Virginia this week-end. I am hoping for warm weather and sunshine. Maybe wishful thinking, yes, but it doesn't hurt to dream. Maybe I will have some good material for Monday's post. Just think - 8 adults (I think Applehead's parents will be there too), 6 kids (5 of them are 4 or under), two trailers, a mile long driveway and A LOT of mud...all in West, By God, Virginia. It already makes for a good story.

Have a good day!

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Ex-Men Tuesday: My High School Sweetheart...

I hadn't planned on writing about Mitch because I had talked about him in a couple of other posts but Jake and I were talking about him this past week-end and I decided then he would be the one. Mitch Whitten.....were do I begin? Well, let's start with how we met. Mitch and I went to the same church (Lakeview Baptist Church in Vermilion). He had been going there he whole life. I started going in the 6th grade with my friend Stephanie. Her mom would come and pick me up every Sunday morning. I LOVED going to church. I was in the youth group and basically we all sat in the same place, together, in the sanctuary, each week. When I was in the 8th grade my friends started to notice Mitch. He was much older and very funny. VERY FUNNY. He would sit in front of us and we would look at his butt and rate how it looked in the pants he was wearing each week. He wasn't the only butt we looked at... I know it sounds so awful but really in 8th grade it was very innocent. We were being goofy more than anything. Several of my friends had crushes on him. During my first week of high school Mitch wrote ME a note on the back of a tithe envelope during church and handed it to me. I still have it in a scrapbook I made in High School....this is what it said.
"Delilah, Hey babe, what's up? Not a whole lot here! I was wondering if you'd like to go out or something sometime. I wasn't going to ask cause I didn't know if your parents would let you go out with an 18 year old. But I figured I'd try anyway! Well see you later W/B tonight. Love, Mitch"
I was 14. I was barely 14. My friends Meredith and Debbie convinced me he was joking around. They both had crushes on him, too. I decided not to write him back and just ignore it. Things are a little fuzzy after that...I don't actually remember how we ended up going out. I think I ran into him at the Vermilion Festival of the Fish a.k.a. The Fish Festival. That is in June. I had just turned 15. He was well on his way to 19. He asked me to go to a graduation party that was for this girl from our church. I lied to my parents and told them Mitch was 17 and would be turning 18 in October. He had failed a grade somewhere along the line so he was going to be a senior and I was going to be a sophomore. It didn't seem that bad. My parents discussed it and decided to let me go. So he came to pick me up in his blue 69 Chevelle with the racing stripes down the middle. I don't remember a lot about the date except. We were in the car for approximately 2 minutes when he popped a cassette in the tape deck. "I want your sex" was on the tape. I swear to this day, he had it planned. Parents take note...DO NOT LET YOUR DAUGHTERS DATE OLDER BOYS. THEY DATE YOUNGER GIRLS FOR A REASON! I don't even think we kissed for like a month. Like I said some details are fuzzy. A couple of weeks after Mitch and I decided we were "going together" I went on vacation. When I got back this anonymous girl called me on the phone and said she had sex with my boyfriend. I ended up figuring out who it was and I thanked her for the info but never believed her. Maybe I did and just didn't care. Pretty much my sophomore, junior and senior years were all about Mitch. I didn't really get involved in sports (I did run track my sophomore year), I didn't go to school dances (why would I? My boyfriend was too old to get in), I only hung out with the kids from my friends from church because they all knew Mitch. When I'd go on family vacations I would spend my time writing 10 page letters to Mitch (wouldn't you like to see those on a web-site some day?) He lied to me everyday and cheated on me tons of times. The summer before me senior year I was riding in his Ranger. I looked down on the seat and found this 2 foot long hair. He told me some big long story but in the end he had been messing around with this girl he lived across the street from. She was very trashy. We broke up and I felt like my heart had been ripped out and stomped on. I cried and cried for two weeks or so. Then he sent me flowers and wrote me a letter. Oh, and he painted the graffiti wall in Vermilion. It was this wall anyone could paint messages on. People would paint huge birthday signs and stuff like that. He wrote "Delilah, I love you, I need you, I want you, I can't live with out you!" Gag gag gag. I fell for it. When I started my senior year our relationship was rocky to say the least. I was starting to really resent Mitch but I couldn't let go. I told him I wanted to date other people. I went out with Matt Gratton (one of the same guys who sent me roses when I was dating Jake). I remember being at Burger King (where everyone hung out) when Mitch and Matt got into a fight over me. I was so embarrassed that I cried and went home. I didn't talk to either of them for a while.
By February I was really just done with Mitch. I was sick of his lies and he was on a series fast track to nowhere. I was making plans to go to college. He was very against it. This one day he was trying to get me to lie to my parents and say I was staying the night with this girl (I barely knew her, my mom worked with her, and Mitch was friends with her boyfriend) so, he we could stay the night together. I said no. He kept pushing me. We had plans to go see the Doors movie. It was opening night. He decided he didn't want to go because he was pouting. I told him if he didn't go he wouldn't have a girlfriend the next day. I meant it. He was shocked when he called the next day and I told him I was done. That was our last break up. Nothing like breaking up with your long term boyfriend a month and half before your senior prom! He pretty much left me alone for a while. I made him give me back every note, card, letter or anything I had ever written him. He gave me a bag of all the stuff. I gave it to Stephanie for safe keeping. We agreed in one year (to the date) we would have a sleep over and read all the mushy stuff I wrote. We did it. While we were going through the letters I found two notes from other girls. Two girls he had "been" with, if you know what I mean. Two girls I didn't know about before. What a jerk!!! At some point I dated this guy he was friends with...Mitch was so upset he moved to Colorado. It just so happened some guy he knew had moved there and was home visiting his folks. He asked Mitch he wanted to go and Mitch said he had to get away. We kept in touch for many years. I made the mistake of letting him kiss me once. He wrote me a three page letter about how he couldn't wait to come back to Ohio so he could spend the night with me. Apparently he forgot why we broke up in the first place. So I didn't talk to him for another couple of years. Then, he was supposed to come to my sister's wedding in 97. We had talked and it was all planned out. I called him to see when he'd be flying in and his father (who is a preacher, by the way) answered the phone. He wasn't very friendly (never really was) and told me Mitch was getting married. He decided to marry his room-mate. A girl I had spoken with in the past that had told me Mitch still loved me and carried pics of me in his wallet. He called me a couple of years later. Married. A father to a little red-headed girl. He told me had a dream about me. We were married in the dream. That was the last time we talked. As far as I know, he still lives in Colorado. Occasionally someone will tell me they ran into him in Vermilion. He must still visit. So that is that. Mitch in a nutshell.

Have a good one.

Monday, March 20, 2006

OK...So, tell me what you really think of me....

I had an action packed week-end so I barely had time to even sit down at the computer. Today will probably be a long one (to make up for it of course) so hang on...

So, yesterday's sermon was titled "Persisting in Faith". It was a good sermon and came in a very timely manner. You've probably sat in a church and listened to a preacher talk, all while thinking..."Hmmmm, does he know what I am going through? Did he plan this sermon just for me? I know he had to because he is talking about what I am going through...". Most of us have felt that way before. I've heard many people say that. I've come to two conclusions: 1.Everyone is going through a lot of the same junk. People think they are alone because they don't know what others are dealing with when they walk through the church doors. 2. God gives us what we need to hear. Simple as that. As you know I was feeling sorta blah last week. I wasn't alone. Several people have told me they were feeling discouraged or disappointed just in the last week. One guy actually asked me if I tipped the Pastor off to how he was feeling. See what I mean? Here's the thing, sometimes even though it is what we need to hear, we don't want to. That is where I was yesterday. I am going to tell you why, what was said in the sermon and (lastly) what I plan to do about it. Ready?

Okay, last week I had something very significant happen to me. I am going to do my best to describe this event and keep it completely anonymous. Try not to get confused. So, last week I was, let's say out and about, and I was waiting to talk to someone who we are going to refer to as JKL for this story. So, I am waiting in this hallway and JKL is in a room. JKL in talking to some other people who know me. I was standing about 50 feet away from the room because I don't want to look like an eavesdropper or anything. Unfortunately, JKL was talking pretty loud. I had been there or a minute or so. I hear the group talking about something I've heard discussed biggie. Then in a split second, JKL says my name. What came out of JKL's mouth next was not very nice. I am sitting there with my mouth hanging open, thinking "This can't be really happening." I can't tell you what I heard but I can say wasn't "uplifting", it painted me in a very 'self serving' manner and it badly hurt my feelings. I decided it would be a good idea to walk away before I heard anything else. I called my husband and told him what I just heard. I knew he would be a little more reasonable than me. At that moment I wanted to freak out a little. So I talked to him for 30 seconds or so and then I see this other person I know. I talked with her for a minute or two. Then JKL walks out. JKL talks to me. My answers are brief and maybe a little cynical. You see, JKL is definitely someone who I need to see me for who I am. JKL is someone I need to have respect for and the respect should be mutual. I felt a little "destroyed". So I got out of there ASAP and called Jake. I even started crying. That is how I felt all day. Angry and hurt.

With that being said...I am going to tell you about the sermon. The subtitle was "How to Finish What You Start...when you feel like giving up". Now, I definitely don't plan on giving up my Faith or anything like that...but this event was big enough it could make a significant change in my life. So, first we were told to "remove any distractions". If something is distracting you from keeping focused on your goal, it has to go (well, with in can't get rid of your kids or spouse). remember the REWARD - "the why in what you do will determine how long you last." Resist discouragement. This was the big one for me. If you had asked me yesterday what the sermon was on, I would have told you it was about not being discouraged. Because that is basically what I heard. Obviously, I am feeling extremely discouraged. I made a conscience decision yesterday, to just wallow in that disappointment. Process it. Figure out a game plan. Next- FOCUS, FOCUS, FOCUS! Focus on God's Goodness in the Past. Focus on God's presence Now. Focus on God's promise for the Future. Then there was a little list of stuff we could check off if we need more persistence or not. (ex. time with God, Praying, Dieting/Exercise, Controlling my anger...) I didn't check anything off. Not because I don't need work in those areas but because I just didn't want to commit. Remember, I was still mad yesterday. And Lastly...Renew yourself DAILY: Get your proper rest & Spend time with God.

So, what do I plan to do? Well, first I decided to forgive JKL even before I confront the situation. I feel it can't have a good ending if I don't do that first. My feelings don't hurt as bad, even though it was completely rude and uncalled for. I do plan to talk to JKL. I might send an email. I know it doesn't sound that personal but I feel like what I say HAS to be purposeful. I can have diarrhea of the mouth sometimes...especially when my emotions are involved. I can only hope for an apology at best. Although, I don't really expect one. How JKL reacts may determine the ultimate outcome. That is, if I will choose to continue a relationship with JKL. It's not a threat, but we do have to remove all distractions don't we?

Well, have a good day. I am at a good school this week but it is a hike to get to! I guess I will have lots of quiet time in the car!

Friday, March 17, 2006

I Forgot to Wear GREEN today...

I don't really have time to be posting right now. I am working in the office today. I'll be training some new teachers from out of county. But I wanted to tell you I just heard on the radio that St. Patrick WAS NOT from Ireland. He was from Whales. My ancestors came from Whales (the same place Catherine Zeta-Jones is from, I know you are thinking we look alike, now you know why. ha ha). Either way, I can now say all that green beer was not in vain. Well, that and I am irish too...lot of red heads in my family tree. Love to write more but I am off to put my corned beef and cabbage in the crock pot!

Have a good day.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

I'm Famous! I'm Famous!

This morning I was on my way to work. I had just pulled in the parking lot and into a space. I started to reach down to turn off the ignition. Just then Stan (from WNIR) says, "I wanted to thank one of our loyal listeners, DELILAH, for writing about me in her BLOG!!!!" Yes folks, my blog has now gained public attention! Then Maggie said she needed to get on my blog and read it! You might not know this but WNIR is the #1 Talk Radio station in the U.S. I am not sure what the criteria is to win such prestige but I don't care! My head was so big I barely made it out of my car. Man...I need a life.

I didn't have time for Ex-Men any day. Maybe I'll get to that next week. Sorry. I have been in kind of a "funk" lately. I am completely convinced it is Seasonal Affective Disorder or something of the sorts. This weather is thoroughly ticking me off. Warm, yet rainy, one day...Cold and snowy the next. Gray and Gloomy. Today the sun decided to shine for a few minutes. Jude was taking a nap so I was stuck in "the cave". Our house had really low ceilings and the driveway is a hill. We only get real sun for about an hour each day. Then it is so blinding I have to close the blinds half way to be able to see! I know...complain, complain, complain.... That is how I have been feeling lately. People are annoying me. The weather is driving me nuts. I am tired. I am sick of being sick (I still have a cough). I feel really let down this week. I can't really pin point why. Maybe it just has to do with my mood but I have had some things happen this week that I just feel disappointed about. Maybe my expectations of people are too high. I guess people need to realize just because I am not this mushy gushy kind of person, I do have feelings. I feel like an outsider, looking in. That's no fun. Oh, and did I mention I have BARELY seen my husband this week? It really sucks.

So tonight Jude's friend Logan was here. I was feeding the baby and they were playing in Jude's room. After about 5 minutes, Jude came in and he had this little zip bag thingy with tacks in it. I asked him where he got it and he said in the office. I told him I wanted him to stay out of the office. They listened very well and went somewhere else to play. Later I went in the office and turned on the light. Both closet doors were off the track and all the stuff was out of the closet. Beads, glue sticks, paint and lots of other craft stuff. ARGGGGGHHHH! How did it happen so quickly? And how the heck did they get those closet doors off the tracks? I tried to put them back but could only get one side clipped in. I tried to get it back off to adjust the little wheel and now I can't! Kids...aren't they amazing! Then Jude and Logan were having a conversation about school. Logan goes to pre-school. Jude doesn't. Logan was telling Jude all about it. Now, Jude knows you start school when you are 5 years old. He asks Logan how old he is. Logan says 3. Jude asks me if he is still 3 (I can see the wheels turning at this point). I say yes, why? He says "I'm 3, I can go to Logan's school." I keep telling him I am going to homeschool him. He already argues..... We would like to have him go to Pre-school, maybe. If I am not working I could just teach him stuff at home and do activities at the library and what not. I think that'd be good enough.

Okay, I am seriously rambling (AGAIN). I am so tired. Talk to you later!

Monday, March 13, 2006

Isn't Life Complicated...

I know, I is supposed to be Ex-Men Monday. Here is the problem. On Monday's I never feel like writing about ex-men. I am changing it to Ex-Men Tuesday. I hope you all don't mind. It's just that on Saturday I have a theme going on. Then Sunday's I usually write about church or I don't have time to write at all. So when Monday gets here I feel like writing other stuff. So that is that...
So, I have a friend who told me she doesn't want more than a few friends because friends complicate things. Nothing but trouble. Now, let me start by saying I love all my friends. I feel like each one of them are in my life for a reason. But man, isn't it complicated. I told you about the girl who thought I was mad at her a few weeks ago. That isn't even the tip of the iceberg. Lately I have been feeling stressed about the whole thing. First lets start with my old friend JenF. I have talked about her a couple of times. She is my on again off again friend. In college she was one of my best friends. We have some very funny stories that range from being chased by goats to me throwing a penny at her ex-boyfriends head. We had some good times but we have had some VERY BAD times. I don't think I have ever argued with anyone else as much as her. And it is always so dramatic. This time we haven't talked since October. I told her not to call me or email me ever again. The truth is, I was really mad at her stupid fiance (that I introduced her too) and not her. She hasn't tried to call me and I haven't called her. We are both stubborn. Her birthday was two weeks ago. She turned 30. I heard some of her friends were getting together and went out for the occasion. I was invited. I didn't go. For a lot of reasons. Now I feel a little guilty. I was with her on her 21st and many in between. Now I missed the big one. So, that is just one of my complications. My sister is friends with her. And that is where I am going with this... I have a handful of friends. We aren't really like a "gang" of friends. I am friends with each of them separately. Some of them know each other. Some know of the other person but never talked to them. Some have only talked in passing. Some are getting to know each other better. Some don't care to get to know the others. Most of us have had crappy experiences in the past with "girlfriends". But I do believe we all need each other. I guess I just haven't figured out how to make it all fit. Is any of this making sense? I don't want to say too much because women are sensitive. Just tell me if you understand what I am talking about and tell me what you think.

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Taking the Initiative...

That is what today's message was about. It was really good because I think it hit home with a lot of people. I am a mover and shaker. I have rarely had a problem when it comes to taking the initiative. I've always been one to take life by the horns. Either way, it was still good to hear the message and be reminded. I am going to give you the main points and then I am going to link you to a story he told us today. Hopefully it will be yet another reminder to LIVE OUT LOUD! Live life to the fullest everyday. We aren't guaranteed tomorrow.

Taking the Initiative...
1. Seize the moment.
-Stop Procrastinating
- You might not be here tomorrow.
2. Tame your FEAR!
-Most people fear rejection or disapproval! You may be missing out on major things because of this fear!
3. Announce your FAITH.
4. Receive God's GRACE.
-You have to accept God's grace. (This is very hard for some.)
5. Take the next step!

Here is the story.

So that was the message today. It was good. We went to my sister's house afterwards. We took Justiene and Russ. It was fun. I think Justiene was sick of us by the end of the night. We were with her (and Russ) almost the entire week-end. My mom cooked a huge meal and we all left a little fatter. Melanie stopped over for a few minutes. I made yet another plea for her to move to the Summit County area. She said she may think about it but I don't think she ever takes me too seriously. I think she thinks I want her to move her just for her benefit. She doesn't realize it would be good for me too. I miss her. But enough ramblings for now. Have a great day!

Saturday, March 11, 2006

KSU: Kegs and Eggs

In honor of St. Patrick's Day next week I thought I would dedicate this post to St. Patty's Day memories of Kent. Well you probably already know St. Patrick's Day is a great day of celebration for the Irish. Most people celebrate by either wearing green, hanging shamrock on their walls or eating corned beef and sour kraut. For college students it is a great excuse to drink beer. All day long. At 6 A.M. bars open for "keg and eggs". You drink green beer and eat your breakfast. I never participated in the practice myself. I don't remember anything significant my first year in Kent on St. Patty's Day but I do remember several that followed. In 97 I got up and went to my first class of the day. It was Social Psychology. I am not sure why I ever even went to the class. I can't remember EVER paying attention. I can't recall anything I ever learned or lectures or anything. I remember where I sat and that I did crossword puzzles during the class. That's it. Either way, I walked home from class. When I got home my neighbors came over. Mark and Jeff. Man, I could tell you some stories about these boys. They were very drunk. It was 10 A.M. and they could barely talk. They had been drinking (heavily) for hours. They tried to convince me to go to the bar right then. I told them I had other classes to attend (a.k.a. other crossword puzzles to do) and then I would meet them at The Loft. I got there at 4:00 P.M. Everyone was having a good time. Tiffany went with me. We felt like we were really behind. I was having my first drink and I look up and see Jason Chonko. He was this boy that I had the BIGGEST crush on. I knew him from back home and I always liked him. I would see him all the time at Kent and we would talk. He always invited me to his parties and I was always afraid to go. Once I actually drove to his apartment but couldn't get up the courage to go in. Finally I got up the nerve to go to a party he was having. Tiffany and I went, but I had a few drinks before I got there so I could "loosen up". Well it worked really well. I felt totally comfortable talking to him and everything was going great until I kissed his room-mate. Yes, that was the end of my dignity when it came to Jason Chonko. We remained friends for a few years afterwards. I tried to fix him up with Amy once and I think she liked him but got "side tracked" by some other boy. Either way, he is a scientist now. Okay back to St. Patrick's Day... After staying at the loft and downing a couple green ones we headed down the street to the next bar. I can't remember the name of this one place we always went to but it got a little crazy. I remember people coming up and hugging and kissing (friendly kiss not open mouth or anything) each other. There was a guy wearing a green curly wig that kept talking to us. I mainly remember everyone was so happy and having a good time. So after that place we traveled to a few other bars. Before we knew it we were at Screwy Louies. This is the biggest meat market on campus. You only had to be 19 to get in so naturally there was a lot of underage stuff going on. It is a dance club. Huge and loud. Sweaty and doesn't smell too good. I only went there if I was already tipsy. Otherwise I was too smart for the joint. Well on St. Patty's Day, Screwy Louies had 99 cent pitchers. Everyone was walking around drinking from pitchers of beer. People were passing them around. It was a germ fest. I ran into Mark and Jeff there. They were still drinking. It was around 9 P.M. They had been at it off and on for 12 hours. Can you imagine? College campuses are FULL of this type of behavior.

Friday, March 10, 2006

Out of Control with WNIR...

This week I had this little project I was doing to help out with a grant for ABC. So, I was in the office on Wednesday. I didn't get as much stuff done as I could have because I am so easily distracted by others. Thursday I worked on it some but my mind was really somewhere else. I have been very busy this week and very tired. I am getting about 5 hours a sleep per night (if that). So, today I had to get serious and get this project done. I went to one of my favorite local coffee shops in Stow. I sat down with my papers and started plugging away. I hear these two men talking very loudly. I wasn't paying a lot of attention. Then I hear the one guy say, "Hey, when you email Maggie again, ask her if she wants to go to see Steven Wright with me. Tell her Mr. Buckeye wants to take her to see him. It can be just as doesn't have to be anything serious." He then says, "What do I have to loose?" I start laughing out loud! These men are two regulars on WNIR's morning show. Mr. Buckeye called a couple of weeks ago and complained about the emailers. He thinks they are stealing air time and he was upset he had to wait on hold while Stan read emails (I think mine was one that day). Funny now he wants someone else to email and ask Maggie (one of the morning hosts) for a date! I can't even believe I am so "in the know" that I would know who these men were by hearing a little part of their conversation. I need to get a life!

Also this week I heard Stan make reference to Joe Finan coming out of retirement. I did a little research and found out Joe is back on the air. I haven't listened to him since I rarely change my dial from WNIR. He is on a local AM station. I read something that said Joe referred to Bob Golic as his "fat" replacement. Bob has a huge following. I don't think Joe is going to make any friends that way.

Either way, I love talk radio. I am a local news junky. I love hearing about the local politics and all the crazy stuff going on in our community. I read quite a few political blogs but I don't talk about the subject much myself. I am trying not to be to controversal...although I do find myself writing a lot of posts and just erase them in the end.

By the way, today is my Dad's birthday! Happy Birthday Dad (a.k.a. Poppy)!!!!

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Almost Spring....

I can't wait for Spring. I have Spring Fever so bad. It was slightly warmer today and I wanted to be outside. It is supposed to be in the 60's by Friday. I can hardly stand it. We are already making plans. I told Jude it is going to be warm and he could go outside without his coat on this week-end. He said he is happy. I told him before we know it, it would be summer. I explained we would be able to go on bike rides, go hiking and play outside all day long. He said "can we have a garden?" I told him we could. He said "we can plant shrimp and beans and matos." Isn't that funny. He always has seafood on the brain. We went out to eat on Sunday to this nice restaurant. We were being seated at our table and Jude said, "mom, are we going to eat lobster?" I had to laugh. My three year old knows the difference between McDonalds (where he asks for a toy) and the type of place that would serve lobster (maybe it was the cloth napkins that tipped him off). He did get to eat a little crab meat.

We were on the way to a friends house today. She lives in the country so we were driving along this country road. We were driving past this pond. Jude said, "mom, does a whale live in that water?" I told him whales live in salt water in the ocean. He asked a bunch of questions about the ocean. Then he said our bathtub is the ocean and he likes to eat salt when he is in the bathtub, just like a whale. He says the cutest things. I swear he is so smart and he asked 10,000 questions about everything. We never read a book or go anywhere without questions. So, needless to say we didn't have a quiet, reflective drive there or back. Questions, questions, questions.

Well, anyways, I am excited about Spring and better weather. I can't wait to plant stuff and wear my flip flops. Jude is just as excited. Can't wait....

Monday, March 06, 2006

So, I had this dream...

Not last night but the night before last. Saturday night. I didn't used to tell people my dreams because I do think your dreams reveal so much about your subconscious. I don't believe in that dream interpretation stuff like if you dream someone is born then that means someone will die. But seriously...if I dream I go to work with no clothes on, it probably means I am feeling inadequate or insecure about something. Either way, I have decided to tell you about my dream. I will be adding comments or background info in italic. I dreamed I was in Vermilion (The town I grew up in. It is about an hour or so away from where I live now.) I was riding the bus but I was an adult in my dream. There were other adults riding the bus as well. They were people I rode the bus with when I was a kid but they were all grown up and living at home, I guess. Tiffany was on the bus. (She is my friend that quit talking to me a long time ago, pretty suddenly. It was a shock and very painful. It took me years to get over and as you can see still haunts me every now and then.) Tiffany did ride my bus as a kid. I stayed the night at her house a couple of times and caught the bus from her house. Well, in this dream we were riding along and Tiffany and I were talking. It was like a reunion. We were catching up on all the missed stuff we hadn't talked about in the last 4 years. Then the bus stops at the stop before Tiffany's house. She gets off. I was confused but waited until it got to her real house and I got off. I was going to visit her and continue our reunion. She was walking down the street so I start walking down her driveway. It was different than in real life. Paved and it had this stone wall along the side. There were candles lit and sitting on the stone wall. I get up to the house and I see her dad. He looked different. Taller and younger. He asks me where I have been. I tell him it is complicated but I have two children now. I guess I didn't tell him I got married since he was at the wedding in real life. He wasn't friendly but offered my some roasted coffee beans (not the chocolate covered kind). I started eating them. He left. Tiffany finally gets home and I started talking to her. She wouldn't talk to me. She was angry and asked me to leave. I was so confused. She went in the house and I stayed on the porch, eating roasted coffee beans. Then I remembered Tiffany's mom had died and I started to think that is why she wasn't talking to me today. In real life, Tiffany's mom did pass away. I didn't find out until 3 months after her death. I was so upset and embarrassed that I had not talked to her for years because I was mad at her daughter. I had known her since I was in kindergarten. She drove me to school , took me on vacation and was always like a second mom to me. So, then I woke up. Weird, huh? What I really think is weird is that yesterday was Tiffany's birthday. She turned 30. Happy Birthday Tiffany.

Saturday, March 04, 2006

KSU: Fugazi

Throughout my life I have had some very interesting friends. When I was a Kent I ended up being friends with all the activist people. I am sure that doesn't surprise any of you. If there was a protest, I probably knew the person leading it. Chris Stringer was a friend from high school. We had been in the youth group together, went to LCCC and hung out then we both landed at Kent. We were both Psychology majors so we planned a lot of our classes together. He was always doing something radical. He was the "president" of CARE. It was Kent's equivalent of PETA. He was good friends with the guy who stole the monkeys out of the Psychology testing lab. Now, tell me, what are you going to do with a couple of monkeys? The kid got expelled. Either way, Chris introduced me to a lot of people. They were all hippies in their own right. I was smack dab in the middle of it. I was involved in Amnesty International. It is a group that writes letters to the government concerning political prisoners etc... I have often thought about those letters I spent hours writing. I have no idea what cause I was supporting. I was just fighting for something. I was friends with the guy that was the head of AI. Nathan Solinsky. I think he is still at Kent, fighting the man. He was always protesting Carol Cartwright (KSU president). One time he called and wanted me and Tiffany to go with him to stand by her parking place and protest because he didn't think she deserved to park there. Chris, Nathan, Kim (another radical I hung out with every now and then) all decided to boycott the cafeteria because they served meat. They were all vegetarians. Chris is a vegan. Doesn't eat anything that comes from an animal. Including honey. It comes from a bee. Bee's have feelings you know. Kim and Nathan got arrested once at the Republican Convention in PA. It was in the paper. I think they also were the ones that protested The Gap in Hudson for selling leather and fur. I have no idea where most of these people are now. I did hang out with this very nice guy named Steve. He was in charge of the May 4th Task Force. During the Vietnam War some students were protesting. The National Guard fired shots and 4 students were killed. It happened on May 4th. Each year on May 4th they have a little memorial for them. It isn't a well attended event. I went every year and had fun being radical myself. I saw Crosby, Stills and Nash (although I think one of them wasn't there that day), and a whole bunch of other cool people perform or speak. One year they had a separate concert for the May 4th "celebration". Steve had arranged for Fugazi to be there. Fugazi is this old school punk band. Steve told me I could help set up for the band. I was so excited. My friend, Melanie, came to Kent and we went over to help set up for Fugazi. I don't really remember setting up but I remember the concert. There wasn't a lot of people there. Ian MacKaye (the lead singer) said he was thirsty. My other friend, Chad Coder, went and bought him a Raspberry ice-t. Chad was always so cool. After the show, Melanie and I helped tear down the set. We were a couple of "roadies" for the night. Chad was also there and Ryan Sartosky (who later went to federal prison for identity theft), Chris, Kim and Nathan...all the people who were out for a cause. The band was there and they were actually talking to us. I remember Ian actually called us by our first names. We were so excited. Isn't that funny. We were happy to work our butts off so some lead singer would notice us. The band didn't invite us to hang out or go to any wild parties. Just load things on their truck. Then they were out. We were used but we didn't care. We thought we were the coolest people on campus. Of course, we really were! Remember, "Power to the People!", "Apathy Kills" and "Animals have feelings too."

Friday, March 03, 2006


Jake and I watched a movie called "Saved" a few weeks ago. It is about these kids that attend this Baptist High School. The trailer for the movie shows this girl (Mandy Moore) throwing a Bible at this other girl and saying "I am filled with God's love". I thought it looked interesting and had wanted to see it for some time now. Well, we watched it and it brought back a lot of crazy memories of some similar experiences I had in the church I grew up in. But as I was watching it I thought, I wonder if someone who doesn't know me or my friends from church would see us the same way I am seeing people in this movie. The movie portrays these Christians as fake and freakish about their faith. I thought about it for a while then I came to a conclusion that people wouldn't think that because we don't go around saying "Praise God" or carrying our Bible with us. I have never seen anyone denounce the devil or saw anyone raise their hand and say anything like "in the name of Jesus Christ". But it is funny how people form opinions or perceive others.

I love to blog. Tim started his blog sometime last year and after reading it sporadically for some time I decided to start my own blog. I love to share my thoughts and opinions. I love to write. I love having a platform. I love that I can write about anything. It doesn't have to be a certain length. I don't have to choose a side...I can change my opinion mid blog if I want. I don't have to worry about using proper grammar, as long as it sounds good and it keeps people interested. Since I started my blog a ton of my friends and family have also started blogs. I have enjoyed it so much. I feel like I am seeing a side of others I haven't seen before. People really open up when they are just writing.

So, I was talking to my friend today. She doesn't go to church and she reads my blog on a regular basis. She also reads some of the blogs I have linked to my page. During our conversation and I came to the conclusion that because we often times write about spiritual matters in our blogs she sees us the way I see the people when I in "Saved". I don't know what to do to make it different. I have only talked to her about church or God when she has brought up the subject. I have not been pushy by any means. I think I have been the same old me. Just a cleaner version. I know a few other people have mentioned God to her. She took it as preaching rather than giving her another option. No one I know would ever push their faith on another person. People talk about it because they are so excited about the changes they have seen in their own life and they want everyone to know what it is like. You don't have to be like the lady on wife swap to be a Christian. You can still be you. I don't know. I have mixed feelings about all this and I feel a little sad.


Do you have any real fears? I guess everyone is afraid of something. When I was a young child (second grade) my neighbors house caught on fire and burned. It wasn't burned to the ground but it was gutted and completely destroyed. It happened one morning and they brought the kids to our house. Christie actually had burns on her....I don't really remember all the details exactly. I do remember I wasn't allowed to go outside so I went in my sister's room and looked out her window. I was standing on her bed, on my tip toes to see outside. I mostly only saw a lot of smoke. I don't even remember seeing the firetrucks or anything. The next day I went over with my parents and walked through the charred remains of the home. I can almost smell that burnt smell in my memory. It wasn't a campfire type was more violent. That my be the root of my fear. That awful smell. Either way, I have been afraid of house fires ever since. When we worked at Shelter Care we had to go to this fire safety training each year. Lt. Bragg would come out and talk about all the things you shouldn't do in your homes and how to keep your family safe. I always left paranoid my house was going to burn down. So, I do think about it often. What fears do you have?

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Dating Rules

I am at a really fun school this week. One of the homework assignments I give to the kids is called The Dating Rules. They have to come up with 5 rules for dating and their parents have to come up with 5 rules for dating. It is to encourage them to talk to their parents and to let them see pretty much most parents have similar rules. I was reading the rules today and laughing because some of them were so funny. Here are some of the rules the kids wrote....(remember these are 7th graders).

  • Don't slurp your drink.
  • Don't make the first date too good because then your date with always expect it to be good.
  • Walk on the side closest to the road, so if a car drives by and spashes your date won't get wet.
  • Always use your napkin.
  • No spending the night at your date's house.
  • Make sure you know the person you are going on a date with.
  • No talking on the phone for more than 30 minutes.
  • No dating boys with too many piercings or tattoos or different colors of hair.
  • No kissing until you have dated for a month.
  • Parents and all of my friends have to meet and approve of my date before we go out.
  • No holding hands on the first date.

Funny Parent Rules...
  • No dating until age 30.
  • No breaking any laws.
  • Always listen to what your date is saying and remember to include her in activities and coversations when your friends are around.
  • Don't do anything you can't tell your parents. I expect a full report when you get home.
  • Only go on a date with someone you have known for at least a month.

I don't think my kids are going to be allowed to date until they are 18. I don't think that is unreasonable. Less to worry about. Ha ha.