Thursday, November 30, 2006

Happy Thursday Thirteen!!! (#3)

Thirteen things I would like for Christmas - in no particular order of course.

1. To sleep in past 7 A.M.

2. A few extra hours each day.

3. A vacation. Somewhere warm & sunny - tropical. With no kids. Not that I don't love my kids but I we all need a little alone time with our spouses, while sipping fruity drinks & laying on the beach. Right?

4. Unlimited gift card for the grocery store. I would love to just go & buy what I want, when I want & not have to worry about the cost. I would eat lobster & filet at least once a week. And I would invite people over for dinner every other day.

5. A huge gourmet kitchen - one with all the latest gadgets. I LOVE kitchen gadgets.

6. A big flower garden. I would pick flowers & give them to all my friends.

7. A new job. One that pays a lot but doesn't require much work. It would have to be very flexible & be meaningful in some sort of way. I guess I don't mind the work but I want to make a difference somehow. Ooooo....maybe I could be president. I think that would be a great job for me.

8. Did I mention kitchen gadgets? Here is a list of the ones I need: Bread machine, small pressure cooker, a cast iron grill pan, etc.....

9. My own radio talk show. If Howie Chizek ever retires I am after his job! think I tick people off with my blog, imagine a talk show. Can you imagine my EGO?

10. Fruit. Not the kind you eat but Fruits of the Spirit (according to Galatians 5:22): love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness & self-control.

11. Good health for all my friends & family. No cancer. No colds. No zits. And no barfing kids.

12. Snow. But not the normal snow. I would like it to snow those big, white, fluffy snowflakes but without it being cold. I think it should snow for the winter months & still pile up like always but never get below 50. Then in the spring it all just melts away. No winter slush.

13. One of those cars you see on the commercials every year around Christmas with a big red bow on it. I want it for free. No taxes or any of that garbage. And I would like free gas for it. I don't ask for much do I????

If you would like to read more Thursday Thirteen's or would like to participate, which I highly recommend, go HERE.

Have a fabulous day!


Wednesday, November 29, 2006

So, Where Was I???

I kinda pooped out yesterday at the end of my post because I had so many other things I knew I should be doing. I seriously have the longest to-do list. I am going to have to give up T.V. to get it all done. I am still working on the Christmas cards. I've decided to make 50 because they are so labor intensive. I haven't even really looked at my Christmas card list this year so I don't know if that is enough. I doubt it but I can always whip up a few more if needed or just buy a nice box of cards for the extras. That seems a little mean, though.

So, back to my Thanksgiving stories... The truth is nothing really shocking or overly funny happened over the week-end. The Miller's were a little boring this time. I don't think we talked about any of our favorite topics: poop, sex, Shelter Care or insurance (well we discussed our current coverages briefly but I don't think that should count.) Since none of us has worked at SC for over a year we rarely talk about that anymore. We do have a couple of new topics: church & blogs. What a combo, right?

Tim did end up getting a deer on Friday. I think he felt a little relieved not to endure the harassment anymore. You can check out his blog for upcoming details on the kill and all that.

Linda, Gail, Stephanie & I went shopping on Friday. We got up and left early (6 A.M.) but it really wasn't that bad. We went to A.C. Moore (craft store) first. It was my idea to go there but I think I may have spent less than the other three! Gail bought 7-8 new Christmas ornaments. Later after we got home, Jeff was saying how she was just complaining that she has too many ornaments but she keeps buying them. We laughed & laughed. I think she has an ornament addiction. I hear it is the same with cookie cutters - which she also bought a few of those too. After the craft store we headed over to Target. I bought Polar Express for $6. Not bad. They did have some really good deals on electronics. Linda wanted to buy a camera but they were out of the one she wanted so they let her have another camera for the same percentage off. That is nice. Target is a good store. Afterwords we went to Walmart. Of course - who could go shopping on black Friday without going to Walmart. I didn't buy anything special - a pair of shoes for Elise and an apple. Apparently the hot dog I ate for breakfast at Target wasn't enough. Overall I think we found some good prices. I didn't buy much but some of the others loaded up with fantastic deals. It was fun. I didn't wait in one line & we were home by noon. I did, however, take a nap that afternoon, which I took some abuse over. Gail was relentless. She said she never took naps when she was young...not until she was 40 and that was only because she was bored. Ha ha. Linda had to go to work until midnight so I think she was pretty much beat.

We came home Saturday because we wanted to go to get our Christmas tree on Sunday after church, which we did. It was perfect weather (60's) & also a lot of fun. I will post pics later.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Let's All Give Thanks....

I woke up this morning at 6:30 A.M. so I could get started on my "writing". I can't believe I just got to sit down. Jude also got up and of course wanted to watch T.V. & eat breakfast. Then he wanted the Christmas lights on and something to drink. Next he wanted to watch a different channel. Blah blah blah. Next thing I know it is 8 A.M. Where does the time go?

So, let me tell you about our trip to West Virginia. Tuesday afternoon Linda called to find out when we would be down. We had planned to leave early (around 6ish) Wednesday morning. That would give us a pretty big chunk of the day to hang out/ help with preparations/ etc... Well, when she asked me I decided we should leave when Jake got off work. I am not sure why I got the crazy notion but I called Jake at work & he said that was fine. I rushed around for the next few hours cleaning, finishing laundry, packing (yes, I even packed Jake's stuff - a first), shampooing the carpet (one of the reasons I talked myself into leaving early...I could shampoo & leave - so it could dry without being walked on - I am a little carpet obsessive) & I had to finish the dishes. I was tired by time Jake got home. He quickly packed up the van and we were off. Oh, except I forgot my book. So, I ran back inside to get it and the phone rang. I looked at the caller ID and recognized it so I thought I would find out what was up and then if need be call back from my cell. Well, my friend had called to tell me about the comment someone had left on my blog (something about me being negative). I had already shut off my computer so I couldn't look at it. Bummer. So, I get back in the car & tell Jake. At that point we are both a little baffled because I (as most of you know) had requested that people who don't like my blog quit reading and I had also said if you didn't like something I wrote & you think it is inappropriate you should hold me accountable by letting me know. I guess I should have specified not to do it publicly or anonymously. But oh well. I was upset at first but after reading it again I think it is just a reflection of the person who wrote it and the insecurities she harbors. Just a guess. Either way it provided cheap entertainment for Jake & I for the trip down - since I never found my book, grrrr... Okay...I digress... When we finally got down to WV around 10 P.M. Cool...we don't have to get up early. Yeah right. We ended up awake at 6:15 A.M. Now last year when we visited for Thanksgiving there was only one "Mobile Home", the double wide, where we all stayed. This year Paul & Linda have their own home but we were still a little crammed. Here were the sleeping arrangements: Paul & Linda have their room, Jake & I get Eric's room, along with Elise in the Pack-n-Play, at the end of the bed, Jude in Ashley's room/office/sewing room and that leaves Eric on the couch. It isn't so bad, right? Well, Eric has a full size bed. We are used to a Queen. It wasn't so bad until Jude woke up and got into bed with us. He actually kicked me in the face. Ughhh... So we were up at the crack of dawn, along with the entire family- except Eric who can sleep through anything because he is deaf. Paul whipped up some of his famous pancakes for Breakfast. It was good. Afterwords we all kinda went our own way and did our own thing. Linda was cooking, Paul was working, Jake was hunting, Kids were playing & I was checking out my blog. Ha. The day was kinda a blur. I know we went to this little craft store that ended up being closed & I felt very sick from the curvy roads. I thought I was going to have another puking story for you - but alas, I don't. Wednesday night Jake came running up to the house to say he got a deer (you can read his blog for ALL the details). He was so funny. So proud. Well, he didn't find the deer that night but let me tell you... Tim (aka Applehead) really took some heat because he hasn't got a deer yet. It didn't get real bad until Jake found his deer the next morning. So, Thanksgiving A.M. I went out with the guys and watched as they gutted the thing. It was gross. And smelled bad. Either way, they spent a good part of the day working on the deer. I headed back over to the Applehead house where the guests were arriving. Applehead's parents were there: Jeff & Gail. Gail is very funny. Almost immediately she started talking about my blog. Ha. I knew I liked her for a reason. She let me know right away that she wanted to be in my blog....and not just a little one liner, either. She did request that I not call her Applehead's mom...which is exactly what I would have called her if she didn't make that request. How did she know? Well, her name is Gail. All week-end she was giving me tips on what to add to my blog. I should have been taking notes. Seriously. Then the other guests got there. The one person told me she was nervous about meeting me because she was afraid she would end up in my blog. What???? Am I that bad? So, in one day I had Gail saying she would be offended if she didn't make the blog & the other person saying...don't you dare. ego. We talked about the blogitty drama with the comment that was left. Everyone seemed to think it was a pleasant post & couldn't figure it out either. Anyhow....the day ended up being a lot of fun. We ate so much. I was stuffed. After dinner we all went to the barn. It is about 3/4 of a mile away from the houses but Gail wanted to walk. Later she admitted she is horribly afraid of the driveway & didn't want to drive it again. We ended up driving anyways. She was fine. We fed the animals & a horse bit Jake. I think that ended his horse whispering days. We went back to the house, ate dessert and we played Euchre. Jake & I kicked serious butt. Oh, and the one couple (no names please) left when I ran over to the other house to get something. I didn't get to say good-bye (sorry). During the game Tim really endured serious ridicule for his lack of deer hunting skills. Jake also got some because his deer was so small (pocket sized?). Paul said the only reason Jake got a deer was because the deer thought he was Tim & felt safe. Ha ha. Poor Applehead.

Okay this is getting long. I will write more about the trip tomorrow.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Check It Out!!!!

As many long time readers & fellow bloggers know...I have a Sitemeter on my page. It tells me how many people check out my blog each day and keeps a grand total. It is great for my ego (ha ha) and I can see who is reading when....well, it kinda does that. It shows me the ISP address & sometimes gives me a location. It also says how many pages were viewed, how they got to my blog, etc... You may recall me saying people are always searching for this or that...right? Well, last week Sitemeter failed me. I am not sure what happened but it deleted all my stats from last week. It may have done this before and I didn't notice but I have been keeping tabs for a couple of reasons... In the mean time I started to check out some new cool counters. I have installed a new one called Statcounter. It is really good - not because it counts the number of hits but because it gives me a lot of detail. It says what pages have been viewed, a complete ISP address & how long the person has been on my blog. An ISP address is pretty much pointless to me unless the people looking are at work. For example when Jake looks at my blog at work (ahem...rarely....since he is hard at work) his company name shows up. It works for others too. And the city is also a tip off. For most of my long time readers I know your ISP address. When I do those game things I end up with hits from all over the place. It is so interesting to watch the patterns. I hope this is all making sense. If you have a blog I highly suggest Statcounter (it is free). I do have to warn you- ignorance is bliss sometimes- the stats my upset might see that your ex is reading your blog or you may find out who that "anonymous" person really is (which can be shocking & hurtful) or that someone spends hours on your blog reading all your archives (a little strange when that happens)....or you might realize no one reads your blog.

Oh, this is useful information for any web-site you visit. They all know you have been there....big brother is watching!

I am going to work on Christmas cards now.....I will try to post later.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Home from the Hundred Acre Woods....

We are home again. Doesn't it seem like I have been saying that a lot lately? Well, we left on Tuesday evening & came home last night. We are going to pick out our Christmas tree today. How fun. Jude remembers going last year so he is excited. We are going with our friends for the second year....I think it is a tradition now.

I plan to write about our holiday in WV. If you are a new reader or just want an old laugh go back & read about last years Thanksgiving in the Woods. It is a three part series. You may need that background info for everything I tell you this year. Oh...and I will be adding some new "characters."

Here is my suggested reading list...Warning it is A LOT of reading.
1. A Miller Dream....Setting the Stage
2. A Miller Dream....West Virginia, Almost Heaven
3. A Miller Dream....Thanksgiving in the Woods
4. Pics of the "woods". Here, here & here.

Have fun & stay tuned for the next installment.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Happy Thanksgiving!

Last year at this time I wrote a post and listed all the things for which I am Thankful. I read the list and I think, overall, it is a pretty good, solid list. So, if you want to know what I am thankful for go back and read it. I've decided to participate in the Thursday Thirteen game again only I am not going to list 13 thankful things. I figured it would be a popular one today. Instead I am going to give you thirteen foods I LOVE to eat on Thanksgiving - some I may or may not get to eat today. Since I am in West Virgina with the Millers, we plan to eat the Thanksgiving meal in the late afternoon/early evening. I tried to talk them into eating the desserts for lunch. We wouldn't be over stuffed and we could enjoy them by themselves. The idea wasn't accepted. Imagine that. is my list (in no particular order).

If you want to read more Thursday Thirteens or to participate go to HERE.

1. Sweet Potatoes. I am not that found of the whole marshmallow topping but is hasn't ever stopped me from eating them.

2. Broccoli Casserole. It is made with Velveeta cheese & Ritz crackers. Yummy.

3. Pumpkin rolls, pumpkin pies, pumpkin cheesecake, pumpkin cookies.....I love pumpkin.

4. Dressing. I have experimented with different types & I think I like them all. Bread & Sage...mmmmmmmm. Delish.

5. Cranberries. My mom makes this awesome cranberry salad. It had apples, jello, whole cranberries, nuts..... It is so good. A couple of years ago I made my own cranberry sauce. The recipe called for a little cherry brandy. It was so easy & much better than the canned type.

6. Bread. I know that my sister-in-law is making homemade rolls today. I can't wait.

7. Date Pudding. I didn't even know this stuff existed until I married Jake. It is different yet amazing. I might try to sneak some for lunch. Ha.

8. Green Bean Casserole. Also YUM.

9. Pecan Pie.

10. Turkey. I prefer the dark meat. I find it to be more tender & juicy. Everyone else always grabs for the white meat and I take the dark. I think the white is healthier though.

11. Ham. I made a ham once for Easter. It was my first Ham cooking experience. I left the wrapper thing on it. Not the plastic but there is this other papery wrap on some hams. I left it was a mess.

12. Lima beans. Not many people make lima beans for Thanksgiving but my Granny always did and I love them. I tried to make some myself and they turned out gross. If everyone ate my Granny's lima beans they might be a popular side dish.

13. Mashed Potatoes with Turkey gravy. It makes you kinda hungry doesn't it????

So, there is my list. Tell me your favorites.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving. Hopefully you are surrounded by people you love and are thankful for today!

Tuesday, November 21, 2006


If you keep up with the family blogs - I wanted to tell you Papaw Miller did post again. I took him off my blogroll a while ago because he quit posting. I guess when I have time I will have to re-add him. Until then click HERE and you can read his post.

Also, Correction G recently updated. He is always funny.

See you.

I am a Lone Stamper.....

Now that I finished the Thanksgiving cards for work and sent them on their merry way, I am ready to start my Christmas cards. I made my Christmas cards last year and found it to be quite rewarding so I am doing it again this year. I went to a Stampin' Up party back in September and ordered this nice snowflake set of stamps. I wasn't sure what I would do with them but I thought they were really pretty and even reminded me of my wedding a little. If you recall, Jake & I got married on Dec. 29th & our decorations included snowflakes. Our leaning cake even had snowflakes on it. So, I've had these stamps for a couple of months now but I haven't really done anything with them. It is funny because for the last two years I have had Stampin' Up parties in the fall & people have ordered their Christmas stamps. Both years we talk about getting together to make cards. never seems to happen. Last night I was in my basement designing away & I was thinking about last year when I sent out my cards. My one friend called & told me I was in trouble because another friend had received my card and was upset I made my own without her. Oops. I felt bad and called her to apologize and promise her "next year....". Well, here we are and I am stamping away - by myself. It is not that I am a bad friend. I just have to get things done when I have the opportunity. Last year that meant coloring all those little trucks red while we were driving to West Virginia for Thanksgiving. Last night, I cut & punched while watching T.V. I didn't have to get my stuff together and lug it anywhere. I feel the same about scrapbooking - which I've only done 4 pages since last Christmas. People like to go to "crops". I kinda like to go to but I just like to socialize & get other people's ideas. I never really get anything done at those.

If you are on my Christmas card list...lucky you (ha ha). This years card is so beautiful. Yesterday I showed my friend (~) a prototype - it was awful compared to the final draft. She said she even liked it...wait until she sees the real thing.... I told Jake I couldn't stop staring at the card because it is so pretty. I know - I am a weirdo.

So, there it is: I am lone stamper.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Monday, Again????

I am not complaining about Monday. Monday isn't really ever that bad to me...especially since I don't have to go to work. I do need to clean my house and finish the laundry. We are leaving to go back to West Virginia for Thanksgiving on Wednesday A.M. or maybe even Tuesday evening...although that may be pushing it.

The week-end went by too quickly (as always). Friday night we had the ladies Melt Down. I am glad it is over. Jake & I have made a decision to leave that church. It hasn't been an easy one...although, looking back it should have been. We enjoyed the church and made a few friends there but in the end we feel like it is time to move on. The Bible does not say you have to go to one church your entire life. I am saddened by some of the fall-out of our decision but I feel good about the change. We found a new church. It is small but growing. It has only been a church for 2 years. The Pastor is actually leaving....he joined the Army to be a Chaplin. It seems to be really healthy. I am trying not to compare the two churches and I am fully aware "every church has their problems". I can deal with that. Part of me is is nice to just go to church and phone emails. It is safe that way, you know. But the other part of me is like....I can't wait to jump in. We do plan to still attend our small group from the old church. We haven't been for a while but do plan to go again.

So there is the big news. I know some of you from the "old" church and I do hope you all keep in touch. I am not a bad person. And if you are concerned about why I am leaving just call me...we'll go have a cup of coffee. I'd prefer you do that rather than talk about me and get a second hand story (which at that point makes it gossip). Have a great day.....

Friday, November 17, 2006

Busy, Busy, Busy.......

That is my life today. I am helping out with this women's thing tonight at the church. It should be fun. I am a little stressed out about it because I have to wear P.J.'s. I don't really have anything that is worthy of public display. Don't jammies aren't risque - I mostly wear sweat pants or work out clothes that never make it to the gym. I went to The Village Thrift store yesterday and I saw this cool fleece gown thingy I should have gotten it. I might still run by there today and pick it up. I'd have to go early so I have time to wash it. Hmmmm. I don't know if I can squeeze that one in. The event is called "Women's Wind Down". It should be fun. There will be someone doing massages, facials, nails....with good food & a coffee bar. I am in charge of the door prizes. A perfect job for me since I am a good little beggar. I spent an hour on the phone and ended up with 12-15 door prizes. How wonderful, right? I love to see people being generous.

As far as time...arghhhhh. I don't have enough. I am trying to work on my crafty Christmas stuff, make those Thanksgiving cards for work (they need to be mailed Saturday A.M.), do this ladies thing, go to pottery, work, keep the house clean, do laundry, cook dinner.......oh my list. Jake gets annoyed when I am so "distracted". I guess I don't blame him. I think I am going to have to give up something. I think it should be TV. I don't watch much but I usually do sit down and watch it at night (9-11). I don't watch anything during the day. And although I love getting a few good laughs...I can definitely live without it.

Okay, instead of complaining about time - I need to get working. Have a good one.......

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Thursday Thirteen #2 - Life's To Do List.....

I had originally planned to post 13 pictures from my vacation but I messed that up didn't I (see yesterday's post)? So, today I am giving you my list of things I would like to do before I die. Of course, I have many more than 13 things I'd like to do before my ultimate demise but for the purposes of the game.....I give you THIRTEEN.

1. Learn to play the guitar. I have been saying I am going to do this for years. I just haven't made the time. I don't plan to be a rock star or anything and seriously, I can't sing at all but I would still like to learn.

2. Finish my family history research and make it into a book. I did start and I've done a lot of research. I've learned so much. I want to know more and I know the information is out there. I just need to collect & organize.

3. Travel to Alaska. Jake and his family has been twice. They (some of them) backpacked. Maybe someday Jake or his dad will blog about those trips. It would be a good story. In fact, if they don't I might have to give my account (based on what I watched on the news). Ha. Either way, I would like to go. I've see the photos and it looks amazing.

4. Own a house. We almost bought a house last year but that didn't end up working out. In hindsight, I am so glad it didn't. We would have been unhappy there. If we are staying in Ohio, which it appears that way....I'd like to live in Peninsula. I love it there. I want to have a big yard and a garden. Maybe even a small greenhouse so we can have stuff year round.

5. Get out of debt. Enough said.

6. Open a youth center. Well, this is a borrowed goal. Jake really wants to do this. He has been talking about it since I met him. My friend Melanie, also would like to start one. So, someday I think we will.

7. See my children grow into productive & healthy adults who love life, God & their family. That is my job, right?

8. Make peace with my mother. I'm a little nervous about even writing please let me explain. I am not estranged from my mother or anything. We actually talk several times a week and she (well, I know my dad does) reads my blog. I love my mom. She has been a wonderful mother. She is one of those types that cooks everything perfectly and kept the house in a neat & tidy fashion. She took care of both of her parents, when they were dying and could have justifiably been put in a nursing home. She is always taking care of someone else. But we are always clashing. It seems like everything she does bugs me and everything I do hurts her. Trust me....this started when I was three. I am so aware that life is short and she won't be here forever. I don't want to have this kind of relationship with my mom. So there...that's a serious one.

9. Finish a quilt. I started one, like 4 years ago. It is complicated. I haven't finished it. And I started another but I think I only did like 3 blocks. And I have a huge bin of material just waiting but be created into something magnificent.

10. Get in shape. I have the gym pass. I still have my youth (ha is all relative, isn't it). I just need to do it.

11. Read the entire Bible. I truly believe the Bible has all the answers. I am always amazed by how something that was written so long ago can be so relevant today. So, I want to read the whole thing.

12. Reconcile with my old friend, Tiffany. She used to be my best friend. It was a crazy friendship and probably not that healthy. But we have a lot of history. We have only talked once in almost 5 years. I am sure we are a lot different now but I still miss her.

13. Save "my" world. My whole life people have been telling me, "you know, you can't save the world". Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. But that doesn't mean I won't die trying. Sometimes I get distracted from this goal but every now & then it resurfaces. I realize the whole world is a little much but "my world" - the people around that is a different story.

If you want to see more Thursday Thirteens go here. Have a great day!

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Where did that girl go????

Last week I had an email exchange with someone from my past. It went something like this.....

Person: Initial conversation.
Me: Nice, nice....blah, blah, blah.....nice, nice.
Person: Nice, nice....blah, blah, blah...nice, nice. Something serious. Joke ("to lighten the mood").
Narrator: "Why is this conversation taking place and why are they ignoring the BIG elephant in the room."
Me: Okay...let's get this over with....what is the deal?
Person: Ahhh, there's the girl I remember.

Although I could have done without the conversation (despite the fact that I couldn't really seem to walk away from it - kinda like looking at the aftermath of a bad accident) it made me think about people changing (even myself) and people staying the same. I know it seems a little "deep". Let me explain. Over the years I lived through many "seasons". Although my lifestyle and the people around me have changed I am at the core....the same girl. I have always been pretty feisty. I have definitely learned from my experiences and gained a little maturity that has changed me to a degree but really my constitution hasn't.

When I went to my H.S. reunion I was working at a Youth Crisis Shelter. I remember telling people (you know those "catching up" conversations) and more than one person said, "Of course you work at a Youth Crisis Shelter...wouldn't expect anything different." Isn't that cool? I think it is. Which leads me to this point....What would those same people say if we revisited that conversation and I said "I sell insurance." I think the response would be different. I suspect their response would be something like..."Oh." It isn't really me, is it? It's probably something I should think about, hmmmmmm.

Last week I also received a very nice myspace message from a woman from my H.S. She said she always remembers a time I came to talk to her, when we were freshmen, after she had spent some time in the psych ward. I don't remember the chat and I honestly didn't even remember she had been in the hospital. I do remember that I always felt bad because people weren't that nice to this girl. She was pleasant and very funny. Here's the thing...I see adults acting the same way to certain people, in my life now. And I still find myself trying to make up for the rude behaviors of others. I will be going to the psych ward to visit (if they allow me) a teen who is staying there. I thought it to be ironic that I got that email the day I found out my girl was in the hospital. I think God was giving me a little "wake up". I haven't been myself lately. My head has been somewhere else....caught in the junk life sometimes gives you...distracting me from me and ultimately from what God created me to do.

I know it seems like an arrogant blog because I didn't list all my bad qualities that haven't changed...and trust me I am always working on those things. I always have been. When I was in H.S. I used to read Psychology Text Books from the library. Weird, I know....I guess that hasn't changed either. The point to all of this is this - It doesn't matter who you are, you can't deny yourself. I am not saying you can't improve or grow but your core is your core. Sometimes we sacrifice our desires to accommodate our current situation but that doesn't mean you have to stop being who you really are........

Thanks for listening to my psycho babble. I am interested to hear what you think about all this....

Monday, November 13, 2006

Ahhhhh....Monday Morning

Good Morning! Well, some of you may not read this in the A.M. but I am writing in the morning so that is the greeting you get.

We had a very eventful week-end. Friday night Jake & I had a date night. I should say "cheap date" night. First we went out to eat at this nice place called First Chop. It is a restaurant on a golf course. If you remember me telling you a while ago I won a gift certificate there in a contest on WNIR. I haven't entered a contest since...not sure why I've slacked. The gift certificate was going to expire on December 1, 2006 so we needed to use it. We didn't want to spent more than the GC paid for, which was $25. If you look at their menu, some of the meals cost that by themselves. So we drank water, which was fine with me. I may have ordered a glass of wine otherwise but I lived without it. Lucky for us they had a $12 menu. I ordered steak. Jake ordered fish. We both ordered these bourbon sweet potatoes. YUMMMM. I could have just eaten a big plate of those. Needless to say, we didn't have an appetizer or dessert and we were both stuffed by time we left. When we got our bill it was $26.42. Not bad. We left a $6 tip so we spent a total of $7.42. After dinner we went to the movies. We received movie tickets as a Christmas gift in 2004. We've been to the movies since then but we've went to the second run place that only cost a buck or two. So, we finally used those tickets. It would have cost us $16.50. Yes, it cost $8.25 per person to get into a theater. Yikes. We decided to see BORAT on the recommendation of my sister and "Mitchy" (a guy my hubby works with). The movie was so funny but I'm not really sure how to explain it... It was definitely adult humor that not everyone would appreciate. If you haven't heard of it I will give you a quick description. This American Jewish man goes, as this character (Borat) from Kazakhstan (which is a real country), around the United States interviewing real people (not actors) for a "documentary" he is supposedly filming for his native country (so they think). While meeting with these people he says and does things that are completely inappropriate. He insults everyone but the funny thing is...many of them excuse it as he is ignorant and doesn't know any better. You can't believe some of the things people say to him thinking no one from the US would ever see or hear them. Wow...there are some crazy scenes in that movie. So we did have quite a few belly laughs. So...there you go dinner & a movie for less than $8. What fun.

Saturday night we went to visit my old friend, Stephanie (not the blogger) for dinner. She lives in Euclid so it was a little bit of a drive. My sister and her family also met us. It was a lot of fun and the food was delish. The kids ran around like crazies. There was 5 of them all together. I think Stephanie & her husband definitely don't more kids after having us over. Ha ha.

Sunday we went to Church. I was going to blog about that today but I guess I will save it for later. Afterwords we went to our friends house for lunch. It was also very good, as always. My friend prides herself on her cooking...I used to think I was a good cook until I met her. Hmmmm. It is all relative isn't it.

Overall it was a great week-end. Busy as always.

Have a great day.

Friday, November 10, 2006

Five Posts in a Row............

Can you believe it? I don't want to be on the computer very long this morning and I don't really have a topic of discussion so I thought I would just give you a few updates on what is going on...
Let me start with the weather! It is perfect here. Yesterday it was sunny & almost 70 outside. The kids and I went out and raked leaves/grass in the yard. Then we cleaned out the garage as a nice surprise for daddy. He has been trying to squeeze the extra chore in for a week or so. The kids were so cute. They both helped carry the leaves to a pile I made behind the garage.

This was my first full week of "stay at home momhood". It was okay. I don't think I got nearly as much done as anticipated. Probably because I get sidetracked by the computer so easily. I don't watch TV during the day....I don't even read about my soap opera anymore. It was too stupid for me. My one laundry day has turned into laundry week again. I need to get some control.

I am gearing up for the holidays. I want to make as many of my gifts as I can this year (again). I started several projects. Hopefully I don't run out of time. I want to make my Christmas cards again this year. I'm currently making Thanksgiving cards for everyone in the book of business at the agency. They look really nice. I took one to show the boss yesterday (I went in for a few hours in the evening). He thought it looked cool and said everyone will love it. I have everything cut out - I just need to put them all together and stamp them. I'll post a picture later. Speaking of cards. I am really horrible about sending them. I make these beautiful creations and sometimes I even write in them but I never get around to sending them. It's dumb. That is on my to-do list for today.

Speaking of work...I only worked a few evening hours this week and it was really busy. I didn't sell anything but I have a stack of work to do on my desk as we speak. I am getting it set up so I can do quotes from home. Then I can maximize my time in the office. If things stay the way they are I will probably go back to some regular hours after the new year. I did however, talk to my old boss from the abstinence place and she is going to be hiring for some stuff. I don't know if it is a right fit for me but I won't really know what is going on there until Thanksgiving week so I haven't put much thought into it. Either way, it looks like the holidays will be tight for us. I have accepted it. I love buying gifts for people but I've learned not be be so materialistic and it is much better. Besides, my pottery stuff is going well and is just as beautiful as something you might buy at a specialty shop. I plan to post some pics soon.

Jake's job is fine. They are in their "busy season" and hasn't had time to blog. I told him everyone is waiting to hear what he has to say.

I think if I had to describe our life right now I would say....transition. Sometimes you need to tear down and rebuild. That is how it is for us. And that is okay.

Have a good week-end. I probably won't have time to blog. We have a busy one ahead of us.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

My First Thursday Thirteen....Happy Birthday Heather!

Today is my little sister, Heather's birthday. In honor of this special day I am dedicating my first Thursday Thirteen to her.


1. When we were kids we would get into fights (a lot). I would hit her and she would cry and say she was my punching bag. Don't feel to sorry for her because she always got me back by hitting my about 100 times in the same spot. It hurt.

2. I taught my sister to drive a stick shift car. I took her to Mill Hollow and she was practicing. She was trying to make it up this little incline. If you drive stick you know the "hills" can be tricky at first. Well, she kept trying and stalling when some cute boy from our school (I can't remember who) came by and started talking to her. She was so embarrassed. After practicing for an hour or so I let her drive home. It was only a couple of miles. We lived on a fairly busy road (State Route 60). Everyone in our family always backed into the drive so we didn't have to back into the traffic. So as we approached our driveway I told Heather to back into the driveway. She was nervous but did what I asked. As she started to back up she went to push the break but got confused and hit the gas. It caused the car to do a backwards donut in our driveway. Our neighbors were outside and witnessed the whole thing. She was so humiliated that she immediately started crying. I was laughing so hard...I was crying. I guess we are lucky we didn't go back into the road or run over someone.

3. We sound exactly the same on the phone. In High School I would have here talk to guys that called me if I didn't want to talk to them.

4. On her 16th birthday her boyfriend came over our house and I think, gave her a rose. About an hour later she went to the mall with her friends and saw her boyfriend holding hands with another girl.

5. We had a cat named after that boyfriend....

6. That cat loved underwear. It was the strangest thing. It would get into the laundry and find a bra and carry it around the house. One day my sisters new boyfriend came over to meet the family. I set it up and gave the cat one of my sister's bras to carry into the living room in front of everyone. It worked. I thought she was going to die.

7. Heather is a Dental Hygienist. She went to school for it in West Virginia. Do you see the humor? Ha ha. Either way, she met her hubby, Ivan at West Liberty University. She was with our old friend, Tiffany, and they were watching boys riding their bikes and doing tricks. When she met him she had a boyfriend. After hanging out with Ivan and his friends she decided to break up with the boyfriend. She didn't want to break up over the phone so she waited until she came home for her birthday. I don't know if this is true but rumor has it that the boyfriend has purchased a ring and was planning to ask her to marry him. Yikes. I guess we will never know....because she started dating Ivan shortly after that and they got engaged the next year.

8. Heather got a tattoo while she was in college. She told me about it but I wasn't allowed to tell my parents. After I found out I had a dream that I was the one that got the tattoo. It was on my foot. I dreamed I was sleeping and my mom came into my room and lifted up my blankets to tickle my feet. When she did she was my tattoo. The whole thing stressed me out. But my mom eventually did see her tattoo. She was holding the bathroom door for my sister and had looked in the door while Heather was flushing. Her tattoo is on her lower right back. When she went to flush her shirt came up a little and my mom saw it. Well, later that day she said something to her about her having a tattoo. Needless to say, my mother wasn't happy. So, a day or so goes by and my dad says to my sister "Let me see your tattoo". So, she lowers the waist band of her pants and exposes her fish tattoo. My dad looks for a moment and then says..."Wait, I thought your mom said it was a tattoo of a flower." She paused for a moment and then admitted that was her other tattoo. You see, my mom didn't say what she saw and my sister assumed she had seen the tattoo in the front (on her hip bone). So, she got busted for both tattoos. She has a total of 3 now.

9. Heather was the captain of the cheer leading squad, on the May Day Court (like homecoming in the spring) & went to 3 proms. Yet, she wasn't a preppy type girl. She often wore combat boots and some made up fashion.

10. Heather used to love to climb. She would climb ropes, poles, trees, doorways, vines....anything. She was a little monkey.

11. When she was around 4 years old our neighbor caught Heather and the neighbors grandson exposing themselves to each other. I guess they realized they had different equipment and were showing it off. (Come on...I had to add one really bad story).

12. Heather was also a runner. She could run fast. One time this kid in our neighborhood threw a shoe at me and hit me in the eye. In fact, he gave a black eye. She chased & caught him. I held him down and we made him eat dirt. I was probably 11 or 12 at the time. That kid grew up and joined the Marines.

13. Heather is a great sister, mother, daughter and friend. Everyone who knows her loves her because she is so sweet. She is always so much fun and is always being kind to someone. She a punk rock girl in a woman's body but she will never loose her spunk. I love her.

Happy Birthday Heather!!!!

If you want to play Thursday Thirteen go and post your link.

Have a great day.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

The Drive Home... Gagging Part 3

If you are new to my blog you may want to get a little background to this post by reading my previous post called "Is the Gag Reflex Hereditary" and then read "The Thirteenth Day of Christmas...Warning Do Not Read While Eating". The Miller family has a real way with barfing. Smells, sounds and any curves in the road send breakfast flying. Jude has always had a weak stomach. Paul, well he can't handle much. And Miles...poor Miles. He is always barfing. As a kid he'd take to big of bites or eat to fast and barf. Now his family moved to West Virginia and he now has a future of hurling to look forward to. I am telling you all this to get to my story......our latest puking edition. Sunday we left West Virginia around 4 PM. We had planned to leave earlier in the day but we got caught up with the horses and by time we all got back to the house lunch ended up being late in the afternoon. As soon as we finished eating (a lot, I might add) we packed up our stuff and tried to head home. The problem was the van didn't start. I don't know what the issue is...all sorts of things are going wrong. I guess it is fine now because it started just fine yesterday. Either way, we set out on our journey home. To get back to the main road (rt 7 or rt 2???) you have two choices of roads. One is straighter but a little longer of a drive. The other is one of the curviest roads you have ever seen. I am not exaggerating. If you haven't spent time in West Virginia you probably wouldn't understand because it is the only place I have ever experienced roads like this one. Curves & Hills, curves & hills one right after another. Well, we took the curvy, yet shorter road. We didn't get very far (for those of you that know the road - by the old firetruck). I started feeling a little queasy. I told Jake, "if I ask you to pull over - please do it immediately, I think I am going to hurl." He laughed at me but agreed he would. I then complained about the stupid curvy road...yada yada yada. Just then, Elise starts coughing- not a big deal since she has had a cold. Suddenly the cough turned into a gargling hocker type sound. I looked back and it is like the barfing faucet was turned on. Barf everywhere. Jude sat there and wasn't phased (amazing isn't it?). Jake pulls over and we have to change her clothes, clean her up, de-barf her car seat....then we go on our merry way. I wish that was the end of the story. It isn't. We drove for another mile or so of curves and here she goes again...barfing barfing barfing. I'm thinking...I don't have enough clean outfits for this. So, we pull over again and start the process all over. I thought she was just getting sick but she hasn't thrown up since. Elise has never been much of a gagger or barfer. In fact she has only ever thrown up a few times. So....the moral of this story is: Do not go on the curvy road unless you haven't eaten for a few hours or bring your barf bag!

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Great Cookie Exchange 2006

I don't know if you remember but last year I posted about a Cookie Exchange we had for the "Secret Sisters" (which by the way really aren't a secret at all since everyone tells everyone who they have....ha ha ha) at our church. It didn't go that smoothly. It was nice to know I am not the only one who has some baking issues. I have been, however, thinking about making a baking comeback. I am a woman who has accomplished many things...why shouldn't I be able to bake? In the past I have made Christmas cookies but I've somehow gotten out of the habit. This year I am going to make another attempt. I heard a great suggestion that said to make your dough ahead of time and freeze it in old paper towel tubes. I think I will do that. I have made cookies ahead of time and froze them but they never really seem the same. I can handle the baking part as long as I don't have 50 bowls, spoons and drippy messes all over my kitchen.

So, to get to my point of all this....Yesterday I went to Stephanie's blog and she is participating in an on-line cookie recipe exchange. I love the idea. So today I am going to join. If you are interested you just have to go to Everything Under the Moon and post a link to your blog. Then you post your cookie recipe on your blog and everyone can see it. Isn't that great?

Let me give you a little background on the recipe I am sharing. It is not mine. It actually came from a little recipe book that was born out of our SS Cookie Exchange 2005. It was the best cookie - hands down. I haven't made these myself but they look easy enough. Let me know if you try them.

LaVon's English Tea Sticks
3 Eggs
1 tsp baking powder
3/4 cup sugar

1 tsp vanilla
3 half egg shells full oil
1 cup slivered almonds

2 cups flour

Beat eggs well. Add sugar & continue beating. Add oil, flour, baking powder & vanilla. Beat well. Add almonds & stir (by hand).
Put mixture on greased cookie sheet in shape of a big horizontal oval about 1/2 inch thick. Sprinkle sugar & cinnamon on top. Bake at 350.
When it is light brown take out & slice (like biscotti). Put back in oven at 200 to dry (about 1 1/2 hours - until it is hard).

Look What I Did!!!!

This is my first Tackle It Tuesday Post. I was reading Heather's Blog which inspired me to get with it. I used to use the FlyLady system or method to clean my house. It was crazy clean back then. I felt like I did less cleaning but everything was neat, orderly and best of all, CLEAN. I did get a little nutso over it if Jake left a dirty dish in my sparking sink I would complain. Don't worry it didn't take him long to get on board...then we were both a little neurotic. We went on vacation and when we returned we forgot about FlyLady. So, here I am today...with my first FlyLady job. I cleaned my sink (and the area around it.)



Hopefully it will stay this nice for a while. I am going to try. Also, if you notice the flowers in the background...they are from my hubby. I got them last week so they are starting to wilt but in my mind wilted flowers are better than no flowers, right?

Have a great day! Try to tackle something yourself today! If you want to play along go to 5 Minutes for Mom and add your blog!

Monday, November 06, 2006

West Virginia Week-end In Photos...

I don't think I told you last week that we were going to West Virginia for the week-end. It has been a long time since we went down (Memorial Day). We wanted to get down while the weather was still okay and the kids could spend some time outside. We missed all the summer months being busy. So, we left Ohio on Friday around 2ish (Jake got off work early). It took us exactly 4 hours to get there. It wasn't a bad drive. Elise did cry for about an hour. Anything I'd try to give her...she'd throw right back. Both kids did sleep a little while. After our arrival we hung out and had dinner. Afterwords we did Jude's birthday party because he didn't want to wait any longer and well, it didn't matter when we did it, right? So he opened his gifts. Yes, Zurg was a hit. Yesterday he told me he wanted to take Zurg to the park so he could let him swing on the swings. He's so weird. Okay...back to the story. Jake went hunting on Saturday AM & PM. He didn't get anything. He had borrowed a crossbow from a guy from work. We did a little target practice in the afternoon and I would like to tell you I am pretty good. I hit the bulls eye on my first try and was pretty on target for my next few aims but alas, I got a little cocky and just when I was rubbing it in the most....I shot the arrow over the target and into the woods. We spent close to 45 minutes looking for that silly thing and never found it. So much for that fun. I think I might actually go hunting next time. Wouldn't it be funny if I got a deer before Tim or Jake. I teased them about it and Tim told me I'd have to field dress it (uh...gut it) myself. Hmmm. I don't know if I could do that.

Paul and Linda bought a new horse on Saturday. They got a great deal for the horse and 2 saddles. It was cool to see livestock and get to be so up close and personal. I took a million pics (hence the name of this post).

This is Diamond. She is the new horse. She is really friendly and sweet but was a little nervous with all the commotion and maybe from the trailer ride. She hasn't been ridden in a few months. I guess she belonged to a teen-aged girl that wanted to buy a car instead so she sold her horse.

This is their first horse, Sofie. She is pregnant and due in May. The ponies (princess, oreo & bob) belong to a neighbor. The Millers are taking care of them temporarily. We aren't sure how much longer they will be around. Oreo is a little mean and will bite but the others are very tame and friendly.

Lydia was sitting outside the barn watching everyone fall in love with Diamond (the new horse).
Terry (Aunt Hazel's friend) had been down hunting for the week-end and decided to check out the horses with the rest of the family. He seemed really calm and respectful of the animals. He might be a horse whisperer for all we know. You can see in the picture, Diamond was very comfortable with him.

Paul and Linda were brushing Diamond. She had a rough night because Sofie, the old horse wants to pick on her. She had a few bite marks. In this picture she was sniffing Paul or something.
The kids were so excited to be around the new horse. Sofie isn't very friendly so Diamond is a welcomed edition.
Jake was elected to ride Diamond first (not sure how that happened). I think everyone was a little nervous to see how she was going to react to being ridden after so long. Jake took her for a little walk before riding her.
Here is Jake actually riding Diamond. She did fine. She didn't go any faster than a slow walk but she did great. Oh, and doesn't my husband make a hot cowboy?

Linda was next to ride Diamond. She seems so happy to have horses (finally).
Here's Nolan riding for the first time. Well, he rode Bob before but not a big horse .
Here is Jude living out his Woody Wanna Be Dreams.

Isn't Lydia so cute? She is a natural country girl.

Let's not forget about the cows.... One is names Bell and I forgot the others name. They are both pregnant. The one (I think Bell) is due sometime soon - in the next month or so. I've been around cattle my whole life. My Papaw had many cows just like these two. I used to ride out on the tractor with him to feed the cows. What a great memory.

Okay and last but not is a picture of me & Elise. I forgot to pack my make-up so I am a natural woman. If you look in the background you can see Kellen riding Bob. It is kinda funny.

Oh, is Jude's real birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY JUDE!!!!

Thursday, November 02, 2006

The Search for Zurg...Buzz's Long Lost Father

Do you have any idea what the heck I am talking about? Zurg? He is the bad guy in Toy Story. Zurg is part of the Buzz Lightyear cartoon. He is the "Darth Vader" of the show. At one point he tells Buzz that he is his long lost father. Jude is sorta obsessed with Toy Story, Buzz Lightyear and every toy that is in either Toy Story 1 or 2. Seriously Pixar was brilliant when they made that movie by putting so many different toys in it. I worked at Toys R Us when Toy Story 1 came out. Things that had been sitting on the shelf with an inch of dust on them suddenly were flying off the shelves (army men, barrel of monkeys, little tykes piggy banks, mr. potato head, etch a sketch, slinky dog, etc...). Jude loves stuff. And he really loves Toy Story stuff. He has Buzz Lightyear pjs, night light, room decorations, slippers, at least 5 different sizes of Buzz dolls, Woody in several different sizes as well.... He was Woody for Halloween last year and Buzz for Halloween this year. I've mentioned before I never wanted my children to like characters but long before Jude could even talk he had characters he was drawn to (Elmo was his first). He is character driven. Luckily Elise could care less, although she is a little momma with her baby doll.

You want to know what this has to do with Zurg, right? Well, Jude's birthday is in a few days (November 6th). He has been picking out stuff and telling me he wanted it for his birthday for about 2 months now. In September he went to 2 different birthday parties and he asked when his birthday was....then it began. Well, last week we (the whole family) were at Target and we decided to take a spin through the toy isle. That is when we saw him.... Hanging on a peg about halfway down the action figure isle was something new I had never been privy. It was Zurg. Jude's eyes lit up and immediately he said, "Mom I want Zurg for my Birthday." I looked at Jake and we mumbled something like...he wants everything...doesn't need more story obsessed.... Then to get Jude to be quiet I said, "okay, you can have Zurg for your birthday but you have to wait." He put up a little battle but decided he would have to be patient. So we left Target without major incident. So, the week goes on and Jude brings up Zurg. It really isn't like him because usually he wants something because he is right there and looking at it. When we go away he forgets. Not with Zurg. He has been bringing it up constantly. Monday he begged me to go back to the store and buy it because he thought someone else might buy it. I laughed. But you know...I worked at Toys R Us for 6 different Christmas seasons. Long enough to learn this lesson - When you see a toy you or your kid wants on the shelf buy it then. Don't wait. You never know when a new commercial is going to hit or when the Today show is going to do a segment on the latest toy rage that will inevitably cause a mad rush to the toy store and a demand that will never be satisfied before the impending holiday arrives. I've seen it happen time and time again. I used to have desperate fathers come into the store and offer me money to hook them up with whatever toy it was they needed. I never understood. This one man offered me a $50 to get him this pirate ship thing. If I had taken it I would have been fired and you never know if it was a set up so I of course declined. But now that I have children I understand how you don't want to let them down. So, last night Alicia came over to sit with the kids and Jake & I went Birthday gift shopping. We immediately headed over to Toys R Us. After all, they have a Toy Story section. We stop by the games and pick up a great game for him then off to the Disney isle. It was a little sensory overload because of all the different Buzz stuff. Woody has really been pushed out of the picture. And there wasn't even one Jesse. But Buzz in all colors, sizes and materials. Buzz on a motorcycle (which Jude told me he had a dream he was going to get it), Buzz in his space ship, A Buzz train......oh the Buzz galore. But NO Zurg. I started to feel a little panicked. I told Jake we had to head over to Target. So we get to Target and I don't mess around - I need to find Zurg. He wasn't there either. Oh my goodness...the Zurg we saw was a fluke. I know (retail experience again) that when the companies send out products they pack them in variety boxes. For example in the Buzz Lightyear box they might pack 10 pegged toys. 6 Blue, 3 red and one Zurg. And every box might not even have a Zurg. They create a Zurg demand. That makes Zurg a collectible. I've seen it so many times. So, I tell Jake we have to go to another Target. We were on a mission. We went back to the original Target we saw Zurg with Jude. As I walked down the isle I noticed the pegs had been filled. I felt so disappointed because as I looked through the pegs the same way I had watched desperate parents do for years. When I got to the last peg the second to last toy hanging....there he was - ZURG!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah! I think I did a little dance in the isle. So Jude will have his Zurg. Really a cheap birthday gift at $7.19. And he is going to be so excited. He already asked me about Zurg this morning. Ha. I told him not to be upset because he might not get it. He said he would tell Stevie (Alicia's sister) to get it for him. Oh the joys of children.......

Here are some pictures from Jude & Indy's party with had with my parents, last week and from Halloween. Aren't my kids so cute???

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Not So Wordless Wednesday.....Ranting, Again!

Sometimes when I sit down to type I am not sure where I am going to go with the post. Today is one of those days. Yesterday I was all fired up and ready to "speak my mind" about a few issues but when I got to work a half hour early I couldn't get my computer to work. By time I figured out the problem it was too late to type...I had a busy day. So, maybe God intervened...who knows.

I've been having some issues lately. Actually, lots of issues. A couple of weeks ago I posted about Forgiveness. I was naively thinking as I typed...I am a forgiving person. I am not trying to be all self righteous or anything but it isn't an area I thought I struggled with very often. Silly me. Shortly after the troubles came out of the woodwork. Doesn't it always work that way. I decided I should go to God. Then I opened this devotional book and the first entry was (of course) about forgiveness. I wasn't in the mood to forgive anyone at that particular moment so I wasn't thrilled. But in the end it isn't about my mood is it? There is a bigger picture. That is reality. Basically the book said all humans are flawed. We know that, right? But I don't want to be flawed. I don't want my friends from church, my husband, my children, etc... to be flawed because it hurts. Our human nature tells us when we are wronged to get even or put that other person in their place. Trust me that is what I felt like doing yesterday. But as I read on it says this - "That doesn't mean it's always right to ignore such actions or the motives that drive them. But it does mean that it's right to refuse to broadcast it, nag about it, or use it to gain power over the offender." (POO!). That is what I want to least my nature tells me to do. It is actually what I am good at... Now some things are best left unsaid...I know. I would never publicize family problems on my blog or anything. But there are other things in my life that have been a huge disappointment to me lately. I am not going to go into great detail but I want to say this about my blog....I love to write. I love my blog. Maybe it sounds selfish but my blog is just that MY blog. It is my thoughts and feelings and I don't want my writing to be censored. I've shared with you all several times that people have been upset about what I write or downright angry with my posts. I haven't always used the best judgement when writing about my past. Not that I regret the stories....I don't - in fact I arrogantly LOVE my old stories. But I did use a few names I shouldn't have. I've made my apologies and moved on. But last summer Jake came under fire for something he wrote on his blog. I was upset with him because I felt like he was causing trouble. I should have been more supportive. Since then our blogs (well mostly mine because Jake quit writing about stuff) has been a topic of controversy. Not directly to me but it is the source of gossip. Here is what happens....I write, someone else reads, they take what I read and analyse it, pick it apart and talk about it with others and so the cycle begins. By time it gets back to me I hear I've been bashing this person and that person. I am hurt by this. Does anyone ever say anything nice about me? It is crazy because by when it gets back to me it has gone through several people who haven't even actually taken the time to read my blog. My blog has joined the ranks of daytime drama. That stinks. I want to write about my feelings, my family, share photos and life. I don't want to censor my blog. You don't have to agree with everything I write. I don't even want you to agree with everything I say. But please don't take my words and use them as a weapon against me. I don't know what these people really feel in their hearts but I feel like they think if I don't hear them saying the words about me that they don't count. I want to forgive. But I can't ignore the actions. So, what do I do? I don't really know. I wish people talked about my post about forgiveness or National Sacher Torte Day. What about the positive stuff I've written???? I am so sad that my light hasn't shined through. That people don't have good things to say about me. You know about a month ago our Pastor said from the pulpit that blogs are all negative and a place for people to spread negativity. Was he talking about my blog? I don't know because I never asked him. But it hurt me that I would have to wonder if he has heard the gossip and if he thought I was just spreading negativity. It hurt me because many people turned and looked at me because they know I have a blog. I am not a bad person. I try to be thoughtful and to be Christlike. I know, I know, I'm far from it. But I don't stink. I want to forgive. I try to learn and improve all the time. I try to be thoughtful and helpful. I try to be a good friend. I am feeling deflated. My heart is broken. I feel like I have failed. I love my church. I love my husband. I love my friends. I am flawed. So if I don't handle things the way I should right away please forgive me. I am not going to censor my blog anymore. I am not going to "broadcast" but I am not going to censor my blog. This is the last apology I will be making. I have too many stories to share to keep coming back to this. This blog isn't about is about me. If you think I cross the line you can hold me accountable by talking with me and telling me. Don't go tell my friends, my boss, my pastor, my husband. If you feel you can't do that then please don't read my blog. I love you all. I really do. Thanks for listening to my little rant and have a great day.