Tuesday, October 06, 2009

What if....

...this is the way it is supposed to be.

I started my day today down at the AMHA building.  That stands for Akron Metropolitan Housing Authority.  They are the people who own the project based homes and give out the section 8 vouchers.  It is a crazy process to get into that housing.  You have to go down at the crack of dawn and get in line.  I took one of the women I work with and we got in line at 7:30 A.M.  We waited until 8.  That is when AMHA opens their doors.  As they let the people in they everyone a ticket that has a number on it.  My girl was #29.  They only give out 30 tickets per day.  That is just the beginning of the process.  I won't bore you with the rest of the details.  What I do want to tell you about is the people waiting in line.  They were from all walks of life.  I saw a college student reading a text book.  I saw a family with three beautiful little girls.  I saw all races and all ages.  I have mixed feelings about all of it.  While I was in line with the girl, another one of my girls called me.  I told her where I was and she thought I was trying to get housing for myself.  She laughed when I told her I was trying to move in next to her so I can borrow sugar and milk from her everyday (she always complains about her neighbors borrowing stuff from her lol).  It was a silly misunderstanding and I did explain to her that I was with a client.  BUT the entire time I was there I kept saying to myself....that could be my family. 

I hate to keep feeling sorry for myself.  I hate the emotional roller coaster.  I hate getting my hopes up and then being let down.  I just hate it.

I am reading this book about how to be happy.  I didn't pick it out myself.  It was sent to me by the author (well by her people) and they would like me to review it.  I am in the middle of another Bible study but I decided I would read a chapter of the new book to get a feel for it.  Well, so far what I have got out of it is we get sad when our reality doesn't meet our expectations.  Ha.  Many of our expectations come from what we feel we deserve.  Like I have said many times....we are good people, we are nice, generous, friendly, helpful, loyal, fill in the blank...  We go to church, pray, work with the youth, tythe.....  Why can't we get what we want (currently that is a job for my hubby).  I want him to get a job so we can maintain our lifestyle and possibly buy new stuff.  LOL.  It sounds ridiculous to even write that.  Don't we deserve certain things?  I am having a terrible time accepting we don't deserve anything and we are not owed anything.  So far, that book has not helped in the happiness department.  I guess I need to keep reading. 

It did stir up some emotion for me (more like sorrow).  I keep thinking God is going to bless us with a job for Jake.  I just know in my heart he is going to get a job any day now.  Even though he hasn't even had an interview for over a month.  The truth of it is....maybe this is God's plan.  Maybe this is how it is supposed to be. 


Heather Hurt said...

Okay... here goes...From one endurer to another... God doesn't always work in "OUR" time b/c he sees what we DON'T. Perhaps the jobs that have filtered thru aren't His will. Pray for His will... Andre, once, wanted to work at Honda desparately! He did, too, for about a year. But, they paid very little and it was a temp thing. He had to move on. He had wanted to work there forever! He wanted hired on so bad. About 1 1/2 after he moved on, they laid off his entire dept with no benefits! Glad we weren't around for that. That's one of many of those kinda stories. You CANNOT worry about tomorrow! I know, easier said than done. Think about TODAY! Today you have electricity (I assume), a warm home full of love, health, the smell of babies, food in the fridge, a husband that's got ur back... (Deep breathe goes here! LOL) Mat6:30-34 says not to be anxious over what u will eat or wear. God knows what u need. Show him that u trust him. Sometimes we put God on the backburner when we're stressed, trying to handle everything on our own. U are surrounded by people that genuinely LOVE U! and ur family. Don't dispair! That's a tactic Satan uses to discourage u so u blame God for everything. Remember, it's Satan that brought this wickedness, God just helps us to endure it.---Ooohh... maybe I've said too much. I don't wanna be preachy and maybe I'm not saying what I mean and it's probably not coming out right. My shoes taste terrible... Well, what I mean is, we all care! Human beings are genetically disposed to caring, whether we like it or not. Discouragement sees us all (Ecc 9:11) b/c we live in a time where unforseen occurances befall us all. Try to focus on the solution. Ps 34:18 God is close to those broken hearted. We have to show him we trust him and let him have it (1 Pet 5:6, 7). Throw all ur burdens/anxieties on him. Be patient. It's not wrong to desire nice things, after all, it was God's intention to give us a paradise! Darn you Adam and EVE! I hope I haven't said the wrong things. I truly am trying to be encouraging. I luv u, girl! Keep blogging so we can be abreast.

Adventures In Babywearing said...

Oh, how He works patience and understanding in us! I think if you allow your heart to let go, and let God, you will feel that peace like you already are beginning to feel.

I hope you get your answer soon!