Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Library Time....

I am a loyal patron of our local library.  I love it there.  Many of the librarians know me by my name.  I like that.  I usually go the library a couple of times a week.  I read a lot - read to myself kind of reading.  Plus, I read a lot to the kids - we have about a 10-20 book a week habit (as I like to call it).  When I stayed at home with the kids, we attended story time.  It was there that I learned the words and dance to Tooty Ta.  I borrow books, CD's, movies....... I am a library addict. I am sure you get the point. 

Because I am at the library so often I frequently run into people who I know at the library.  In fact, I can't remember the last time I went there without seeing someone I knew.  I like that, too.  Last week I posted on Facebook about how I saw an old friend there but I didn't talk to her.  I hid from her.  Behind a stack of CD's.  And then behind a computer monitor.  I know - there must be something wrong with me. 

Tonight I had to go to the grocery store, so I decided I should return my current batch of stuff to the library.  When I got there I remembered I had made a "reading list" of kids books I wanted to check out for the kids.  Again, I do realize this isn't normal but I've never claimed to be "normal".  I forgot my list but remembered there was a list of the librarians favorite children's books on the library web site.  So.....I went to the computer to search for the list. (I know this is long and detailed but I am getting to a point - so stay with me).  As I am standing at my computer waiting for my info I saw this guy - well, young man (he looked around 18) walking to the computer across from me. He had a few piercings, skinny jeans and converse type shoes.  He walked like it was taking every ounce of energy he could muster to just walk.  He sat down.  I couldn't help but look at him.  He looked so distraught.  I could feel his burden - if that even makes sense.  After a minute I saw this woman walking straight for him.  She may have been his mother.  Or maybe the mother to one of his friends. She said something to him - maybe his name.  He turned and he hugged her.  Now this is where we are going to pause.  If you don't know this about me - I am not a hugger.  I've always thought it was because I just don't like being that physically close to other people.  I don't want my boobs squishing up against other people and I just really don't like hugging.  I get teased about it.  But here is the thing.  I think most hugging is just unnecessary.  It is fake....."oh let me give you a hug".  I mean really does a quick squish and back pat really mean anything?  It is kinda like when you ask someone how they are and then you don't listen to the answer.  The truth is I don't mind hugging when it is needed - when a friend is hurt or crying or even when a client is very upset.  From now on I want everyone to take note - I don't hate hugging - just foo-foo hugging.  So, I watched this odd pair embrace (yes, we are back in the library).  It was not a superficial hug.  He grabbed on to her like he needed someone - anyone even - the give him that physical embrace.  I watched.  I couldn't stop.  He was gripping at her coat.  It was so intense that I felt tears welling up in my eyes.  I heard her say she tried to call him and that was it. I forced myself to walk away.  I did see him when I was leaving the library.  They were ahead of me in line.  I was waiting as the woman disputed some late fee.  He looked stressed.  I wanted to hug him.  Or cry for him.  I asked him is she needed money for the fine.  He said no.  Okay.  He probably thought I was some crazy lady - talking to him. I saw him smoking in the parking lot as I pulled away.  I just wonder what he is going through.  I wonder if he is okay.  It is just strange how you can witness something and just know.  Sometimes I wish we could know what is going on in other peoples lives - so we could help each other.  Other times I think it is best we don't.  I probably wouldn't sleep much at night.

And that was my trip to the library today.

1 comment:

Rixey said...

wow nice post! but i have learned about hugs they are not for us but other people. I love hugs the best when im sad or tired! i was sad the other day and the car and i was all alone and i pray for god to hold me, then i realise i havent took off my seat belt and thw reason why i didnt because t felt like someone was holding me.(yesi know God was there in the mist of my tear and hurt. then i laughed and cried to my sister who was on the phone! i feel your pain in this story causee if i feel people that are hurting i always want to go up and hug them or just say im praying for you. maybe ill even be a creeper and reach out to touch them just for a second so i can say a quick prayer lol you may call it odd i call it a love for people. sometimes it breaks my heart cause people dont show that love back but hey its okay we are not made the same. welp with all that bein said nice blog i love you and see you tomorrow sometime!!!!! I will be waiting for my hug!!!!!! -Rix