This one Saturday afternoon I was walking out of the apartment building and Dave stops me to talk. I don't think anything about it but I noticed he was being friendly. I told him I was on my way to the video store. He said he had a movie I could borrow. It was G.I. Jane. I thought, well, it wouldn't be my first pick but it is free and I needed to save any money I could. I agreed. He said, "Good, maybe we could watch it together." Trapped. I said that would be fine but he would have to come to my apartment (my terms) and no smoking at my place. That evening, Cody was at his mom's (very rare) and Dave came over. I have always had male friends so I was just going with the flow. We talked about Cody, Cody's mom, other sister and brother, Dave's failed marriage to Chris (the mom). It sounds serious but it was all really small talk. We started watching the movie. He says "oh, the guy in this movie has my name." I am thinking, "Dave is a pretty common name." He said, "my real name is Royce!" R....."His first name starts with a R!" I was a little freaked out. Before he left that night he tried to put the moves on me. That is really one of the only times he showed an interest in anything like that. Over the next few months I started taking care of Cody. I would take him to school, on vacation with me, to the library, zoo, roller skating, the art museum, church, the dentist, the doctor, etc... I even had to take him to work with me once because there was a snow day and both of his parents were no where to be found. When he was sick, I took care of him. When his teacher sent home notes, I called and talked to her. When his class was having a party or assembly, I was there helping. I was his mother. By Thanksgiving, Dave had pretty much "staked claim" to me. I loved being Cody's mother and would have tried to have some sort of relationship with Dave but it was impossible. He was very controlling and a liar. One day I was sitting at work thinking about how my Psychic friend had known I was going to meet this man with the R name. Then I remembered what else she had told me. So, that evening I asked Dave if his divorce was final with Chris. He said it had been for years. The next day, I went down to the public records office and found out, he was not divorced from Chris and he had been married once before. He told me he had only been married once. When I told him what I found out, he said I was crazy (yes, that is what these men do, turn it around to be your fault) and I obviously had issues if I was looking him up. Oh, I also found out he was really 46 not 42. I had never done anything like that before but went with my hunch. It paid off. I introduced Dave to all of my friends. They all thought I was nuts. I was. By Christmas, I defined our relationship to him, as this: I love Cody and will do anything I can for him but you and I are NOTHING. You obviously can't give what I need and you could care less anyhow so why does it matter. I started dating someone the first week of the new year. Every time he came to pick me up or came over, Dave either called 100x's, sent Cody upstairs to my apartment or came out and caused some sort of problem. It was embarassing. I ended things with Ken by Valentine's day. Dave NEVER made an effort to date me, he just wanted all other men to stay away. In the mean time, I met a really nice guy and because I was afraid Dave would mess it up I missed out. Then Jake came along. I kept putting him off because I didn't think he would possibly deal with the Jerry Springer world I was living in. But, we all know how that ended up. When I met Jake, it drove Dave nuts. A month before I actually went out with Jake I told Dave I was going to start dating someone. He called me a whore...in front of Cody. The next time we were eating dinner with my parents Cody announced that his dad thought I was a whore. Nice. When I did start dating Jake, I was sneaking around to do it. I wouldn't let him pick me up. I would call him while I was at my pottery class or only talk to him at work. Dave went crazy when he found out. He begged, cried, screamed, etc... I told him I would still be part of Cody's life. I would have taken custody and raised him as my own. So would have Jake. After dating Jake for one month I moved. Dave was going to great lengths to try to win me over. I picked up Cody one evening and Dave was all messed up. He had been drinking and told me he took a bunch of pills. His words were all slurred and everything. I take Cody to my apartment and go into the bathroom to call the paramedics. When they got there he refused treatment. Every time I talked to Dave he created some situation to try to anger me or hurt me. He said he was dating someone new that he was going to church with (I tried to get him to go with me all the time but he wouldn't). Then he told me he got arrested for having sex in the back of his van. Then he would say I couldn't see Cody if Jake was around... It went on and on and on. Dave moved into a hotel and pretty much it went down hill fast from there. My visits with Cody were getting to be fewer and fewer. Dave was using him as some sort of pawn in his little game. He couldn't handle seeing me pregnant. I would call and call. Each time I talked to Cody he didn't even know I had been calling and his dad was telling him I had forgotten all about him. Then he would say, he lost my number. I called Children's Services. They didn't do a single thing. The last time I saw Cody, Jude was about 6 months old. I have a picture of Cody holding Jude. I miss Cody very much. He was my little boy. I don't miss his father. I don't miss that whole messed up situation. I think about Cody every single day. It makes me really sad to think he thinks I don't love him and I just forgot about him. His grandma did talk to me but then she got mad at me too. It guess she believed Dave's lies because she thought I just abandon him as well. She doesn't know all the junk Dave was doing.
Let me tell you, this is the watered down version of the story. I don't think you need all the gorrey details...but I want to say this. Justiene is in a very similar situation. It is strange that she found me after I went through the same thing. Crazy, I guess. So, read her blog and help boost her confidence. Give her some good advice. I don't know, but maybe it will help.
Have a good day.
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