What About Adoption?

Last summer my friend, Kirstina came over. I know her from high school and we frequently loose touch then reconnect every 6 months- a year. I should try to see her more often. Either way, she had called to tell me she was adopting a little boy. Because I have worked with "troubled" youth for so long, I was worried about her and her 8 year old son, Aaron. I felt like she didn't know what she was getting herself into. So, she came over and we talked about it. I need to give you a little history. Kirstina is a teacher. While in college she met her future husband. He wasn't in college....just lived close by. The guy was such a loser but when you are in love you can be blind. Well, she married him, had a baby (Aaron) and soon after got a divorce for many good reasons (in my opinion). It was so bad she had a restraining order against him. He isn't even allowed to see his son. Years have gone by. Kirstina has not met "Mr. Right". She loves children and is a wonderful mother. She decides she wants to adopt a child. She doesn't want a baby. In fact, she'd prefer an older kid (6-7). She does some research and finds out you can actually "shop" for children on line. Each state and several different organizations have children listed and if you are interested you send your info, then the caseworker will contact you. She had expressed interest in several children and at that time, was meeting one of the kids for a possible placement. Now, the reason I am telling you all this is to say - I have never been a big fan of adoption...not people placing a child up for adoption but the actual adopting. I know it doesn't sound right but I am not alone and here is why. In my line of work, I have noticed, through the years, we deal with MANY adopted children. Although the kids were adopted when they are young, they come with a laundry list of problems. It takes a very special (and well trained) person to deal with some of the issues. Because of a lot of the issues, many adopted kids end up right back in the system. I think many people who adopt are naive. No offense or anything. Okay, so K. comes over and she shows me this web-site, I spend the next week shopping for kids. I decided I wanted to adopt. I don't know why. I just did. I told Jake and just like with everything else, he says, "Okay....wait are you serious? Well, okay." I sent off our information but I haven't heard back. I guess we aren't ready anyways because we don't have the room. But, we have had continued discussions about adopting and have agreed we should adopt. Many people are against abortions but most of the same people would never open their homes to raise an unwanted/unplanned child. What are we supposed to do with these kids? Those of you that grew up with me probably remember that I never wanted to have children. I always said, "There are enough children in the world that need parents that I don't need to produce my own." That was my famous line. I used to have dreams of directing an orphanage. Right before I met Jake I was looking into going to Nepal for a year to work in an orphanage. Imagine how many kids I would have come home with!!!! I didn't change my mind about having kids until I met Jake. Of course now I have 2 of my own and plan to have more (1-2 maybe 3 more) but we would also like to adopt. We will probably adopt a baby or very young child. We have at least one more big move (a literal move) before we start the process. We want to buy a house. I think we are going to need a big fixer uper to have room for all these kids.

So, I am wondering what your take is on all this. Are we crazy? I have been taking this course called "Good Sense". It is about spending money in a biblical way. The bible is very clear that everything we have belongs to God and we are to use it for Him. If someone wants to borrow your car, remember God gave you that car and you need to share it. If God gives you a home, you are to open it up to others. Probably the others in the group are thinking, let someone who is "in between" places stay with you (which Paul & Linda did live with us for a month...it wasn't so bad). I felt like God was reminding me there are a lot of children who need me out there...and who need a home. I had another reminder last week. I told Russ and Jake about the eighth graders I met that had children. Russ had a completely different take on it than any other person I told. He said, "Well, that is better than the alternative." He was talking about abortion. Like many others he sees the issue in black and white. But along those lines, it is too bad these girls didn't choose adoption (and so sad that they got pregnant in the first place). Their children would have better lives. And they would have a better chance of success.

Okay, last thing...I was talking to my friend about all this. She thinks I am crazy. (Side note...I think God put me in her life to "stretch" her a little because she thinks most everything I do is crazy). She asked me if I thought I could love a child that I didn't give birth to the same as I do my own children. I know I can. I loved Cody like he was my own. I won't ever say...oh, he's the adopted kid. When we do adopt that child will be our kid. No difference. No preferences. Flaws and all. It'll be tough but I think that is what we are supposed to do!